I've had a huge block in practically living my Self-Worth
I've always abdicated my personal responsibility.
The uncomfortable emotions I've experienced...in a way I've always felt these difficult moments and challenging times were done to me. And that I got to get out of this experience of myself. This sadness, this sorrow, this hurt, this heartache...this frustration....this irritations...this unsettlement.
I never really considered how it's always been me. Me doing it to me.
Fairly recently ...I reached this realization on me doing my own heartache to me....but I didn't realize there was a point in there where I was still holding onto a want and a need for another's approval.
I couldn't see that I was holding onto discomfort within myself...that I wasn't 100% at ease...there was a point of blame in me and expectations upon another individual where it's like I wanted an apology of sorts. I wanted to be consoled.
I wasn't 100% owning my shit.
I was reacting to my discomforts in relation to this other individual. It's like I wanted them to give me the solace I wasn't willing to give myself.
I couldn't see for a long while that I was wanting to be soothed for my emotional discomforts within my heartache, sadness, and sorrow.
I wasn't fully owning my discomfort.
There was a part of me suppressed within inadequacy and inferiority. A part of me that I accepted as just not good enough....that I've been excluded...I'm not included.....someone I like isn't giving me the attention I want.
These are things I've guarded myself from seeing - It hurt me to even see these things...and it took much effort to get here.
I had deluded myself into thinking I was better than I was. It's really quite shameful to pump yourself up and make up a narrative in your mind that your like this superior being...it's total bullshit. The consequence of existing as the delusional character is that it's very difficult to help yourself....it's difficult to hear anyone or anything because there's a form of self-denial existent here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within and as the delusional character that thinks of themselves as better than they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing nor understanding my own self-denial.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny myself solace.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that solace only exists outside of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resisted hearing much guidance and support in my environments over the years because I couldn't handle the discomfort I was experiencing within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self-worth to be suppressed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from my self-worth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself throughout my life time within and as the suppression of my self-worth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I've victimized my self-worth within the emotional experiences of myself. I realize and understand that who I really am is not my emotions...but it is in fact necessary to face my emotions and let them go....forgiving myself for what I have accepted and allowed to be done to myself.
When and as I see myself placing stock in another individual to fulfil me in someway...and or make me feel better, I stop and breathe - I realize I am the starting point of my own well being and that I am dependent upon me to provide the best care for myself. I realize additional support can be given...but it is not a prerequisite for my well being. And in fact I make a point of living my independence in taking care of myself. I realize my freedom of expression exists in how I take care of myself.
I realize and understand that my self-worth is a point of my independence.
I commit myself to living my self-worth as how I care for myself on a daily basis.
I commit myself to providing myself the best care.
I realize and understand that how I love myself is by doing the work needed to be done for myself....doing all the little things for me that make a big difference in giving myself the best care.
CHEERS TO NEW BEGINNINGS AND BEST REGARDS
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