Given my goody-two-shoes appearance, my very heavy-lifting technically inclined college professors have a tendency to make assumptions that I'm better suited to botany or gardening. To be fair, to a certain extent, I admit that I do enjoy gardening. My one true peculiar passion however really lies in collecting scissors in all shapes, sizes, and functionalities. The one and only tool I am unable to live without is... bingo! the ever-useful pair of scissors. Most importantly, the opposite gender, men who used to talk to me disrespectfully changed after I showed them my incredible collections. In the past, they were quite eager to offer me a ride home and later unbashfully invited themselves into my house, but now they ceased doing that. Mission accomplished without me uttering a word! 🤣
Collecting scissors is so powerful. Sometimes, it made me feel like a superwoman on the inside with a tiny tiny tinge of smugness. Had I reached this realization sooner, I would have quit martial arts way earlier. I wasted years that could have been put to good use such as learning to snip vegetables, trim bonsai, make beautiful papercut art pieces, groom animals, neuter animals, and pattern-cutting for clothes making properly. More so, I've wasted time not thinking about creative ways of utilizing a pair of scissors maximally.
Some of those unconventional but still useful ideas are in situations whereby female students had no choice but to walk to school on a road filled with perverts who parked their cars on the side roads. One can only imagine the astonished look on their faces when these smart students waved at them with a pair of scissors while making some snipping gestures in mid-air as they were secretly masturbating unashamedly in their cars. When questioned by authorities, smart students can just justify that they are helping out the school gardeners. A win-win situation, don't you agree? Busy school gardeners get help and students need not play the damsel in distress role. The strange part is that I've never seen anyone carrying gardening tools on the subway yet I almost always hear complaints about ass-grabbing perverts.
Another area whereby a pair of scissors can play a game-changing role is in the online dating scene. Throughout the years, there are many complaints from female users in regards to getting dick pics but no concrete actions were ever taken. Yes, I totally get that one has the right to be angry and just want to vent one's frustration. But to let them get away by doing nothing? Seriously??? If it was me, I would have immediately downloaded a jpeg image of a pair of meanest-looking scissors as my reply in kind. Then, to further add salt to the injury, I would have invited them to the Phallic Museum in Iceland as our meetup venue which is by the way in my top ten to-do bucket list before I die.
After reading this essay and if anyone still wants to ask me out is most welcome to do so at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you beforehand.
Thank you for your kind attention!
Cheers,
Wheat
