Took a day off from work just to get my head thinking straight but now I'm here in bed listening to music and overthinking everything. I'm almost regretting staying off work, maybe not because the sun out there can fry a child.
While reading a few psychological essays online, I got a notification on Instagram from one of my insta friends. She did a video recording where she was singing quite melodiously. It immediately snapped me out of overthinking and made me feel like re-creating just for the fun of it.
I set my phone ready to video record while I applied a little makeup on my face trying to see how it turns out. After applying the makeup, I looked at myself in the mirror and hissed. I wasn't feeling pretty though but I just wanted to do this singing thing like every other girl does.
I sat with my back hunched on my bed and hit the record button. I started singing "anyone" by Justin Beiber. I felt on top of the world when I heard myself sing so sweetly until I played what I recorded and I'm like 'what in the water melon sugar did I just do?' Have you ever sounded like an old frog? I have never seen an old frog but I know what they sound like. There's one that croaks thrice a week at night near my neighbors pond and the moment it starts, its voice sends me to the world of nightmares.
My voice was stupid trust me (forgive me but I've been working on replacing stupid with silly but it has the same effect. Not like I even care). How do y'all sing and get to put in social media for my likes to thumb it? I can't, I rather stick to the books and sad songs I listen to than embarrass myself in public and get booed. Seems my video recorder wants me to be silent as my voice tends to annoy it.
It's back to the over thinking stage again. Oh the makeup, I wiped that off my face and the video? It's long gone to thrash where it belongs. I can't leave that somewhere in my gallery for my haters to use it against me. People like my mom would want to put that up, she'll say; "oh Gina! it's so cute, you're adorable" when really I'm not. It sucks when she says those words. I hate being hyped actually and all I do is walk away because she may be saying nice things but my brain interprets it the other way.
Maybe I'm just not normal on sunny days, my skin itches ASF and my brain overheats. Am I a Droid?
Actually I'm on the floor right now listening to juice world songs and getting all emotional when there's nothing to be emotional about🤦.