In the past six months I have had the funerals and said goodbye to four dear and close friends of many years. I have just learned of another beloved friend who has passed. I dislike funerals very much. But they do afford an opportunity in some measure to bring closure to a devastating loss. It is a day when there is no option but to say “good-bye.”
Sometimes there is the persistent echo of that inner voice which whispers to us and brings some accusing regret. It is often the time when our thoughts carry us back to some missed or failed opportunities to express our love and affection or to tell of our gratitude that should have been given the departed. But even more tormenting is that apology that we know was owed but which our pride would not allow us to pay. But still, we must let go and allow the resignation which comes only when we can accept that they are gone. We love them still, and forever, but we begrudgingly understand that life continues and that we must go on.
Similarly, but even more sad, is when once close and special relationships are broken, die, and must be buried. The main difficulty [just as in the physical realm], comes in deciding when we must accept the inevitable and unplug the “life-support.” The decision to “let them go” is not possible until diligent prayer and trusting faith and pleading with God and countless tears are all exhausted. It is only then that one can accept the reality of what is.
And when will this occur? I don’t believe there is any specific event or definite hour. But there comes a time when the mutual “love and respect” are mortally wounded. They are casualties of repeated bludgeoning by lies, cruelty, bitterness, criticism, an unforgiving spirit, neglect, and often times by betrayal. But still, it is only after every plea for reconciliation and every offer of forgiveness is spurned that we are able to face what is. There then comes the bitter understanding that it is time to let go.
Albeit, closure is still often very difficult and elusive. Nonetheless, it is essential that the rejected get on with life. A relationship ‘wake’ that persists for years will only indulge the bereaved in self-pity and resentment. This is always sinful and self-destructive and can only hinder Christ’s healing. It is not a question of “what should have been” or even of “what could have been,” but sadly, of “what is.” But Christian know this for certain—it is a sure promise in God’s word to His people that, “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”[Ps. 146:3].
