The moon and I have always been good friends. An everlasting constant in a life filled with changes. The five-year-old me was enthralled with her following my every step as I moved, and in between this running and chasing, I grew up. Yet she, stayed the same. My twenty-three year old self loves her as I did when I was five, and these days I find myself following her instead, as I walk along busy streets or open fields at night.
Age and time both are like winds, always rushing and leaving behind the gist of what was there. They move like the river in a one way direction, and from time to time, this concept of 'no way return' baffles me. I know that who I am now; she's like nothing like who I was five years ago. My thoughts, emotions and views towards life are now different than it was before, yet I still feel as young as I did when I was thirteen. Often at times, I wonder if everyone else feels the same as I do, living a life pretending to be someone who has it all under control when on the inside they are the same as me; Lost with no idea what they are supposed to be doing as time slowly ticks by.
To me, age is just a number that's counting your days until you die, and time is just the duration until it arrives. This is why they say 'you gotta make every second count.' But how can one even know what truly is making their time worthwhile? How could they tell if what makes them feel happy now is the path they should be taking? You could be happy smoking away right now, but ten years later, that very smoking could be the cause of your own misery.
So how do we weigh out the right choices from the wrong ones? And more importantly, why do we need to weigh them out? Can't life simply be spent away by the wrong ones? What even makes a choice seem right or wrong? Why do we always need to be right? Why is it wrong to be wrong?
This quote rings in my head every time when questions like these haunt me. Wilde was on to something when he wrote that..
The feeling of certainty that adolescence brings, I miss that terribly. The self assurance that the world is under your feet, the arrogance and the carefree nature, the bright eyes and hopeful dreams, they seem like eons away now. The ever-evolving brain has made things complex. Now I just doubt everything. The world, the dreams and, even myself.
And at times like this, I sometimes wish I never learned how to think at all...
