Upgraded mindset, same chaotic charm.

Seeing this prompt made me remember how deeply invested I was earlier this year in researching ADHD. And here’s why.

To a mild extent, I relate with some of the symptoms. For instance, I struggle to focus on one particular thing at a time. On the bright side, that’s where my ability to multitask shines. But the downside? oh goodness.

For instance, whenever I’m reading a novel, I have to intentionally ground myself to read line by line. Not because I don’t understand what I’m reading, but because my brain is so eager to get to the next line, the next paragraph or heck, even the next chapter. Not because I’m in a hurry to finish the book, it’s just how my mind works.

Sometimes I catch myself skimming ahead to “get the gist” of a chapter and then have to circle back like, “Wait, where was I again?”,lol. I hope I’ve done a good job explaining, but if I haven’t, I’m sorry, I have no better way to explain.

Now, let’s talk memory retention. Back in Uni, my friends would always joke, “Don’t compare yourself to Mide.” During exams, people would start prepping weeks or even months in advance. But me? I could take a 1,000-page textbook and cram it in one day. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, I just do it. I believe there are other people like that as well.

And maybe that’s why my long-term memory is always playing hide and seek with me, lol. I believe this is why I have low memory retention, because I rarely keep things in my long-term memory. This is not to say I don’t read to understand because luckily, in my cramming process, I also find it easy to understand things as well, a fast learner, that’s what my lecturers called me. But ask me what color of shirt someone wore after a 20-minute conversation with them..... yeah, no clue.

I once mentioned this to a friend and he said, “Maybe you just don’t pay attention to detail.” Funny, because I’m the same person who won’t submit a work report unless every little detail is reviewed. Even during house cleaning, my attention to detail can get scary. So, what gives?

Now, I’m not saying I have ADHD, in fact, that’s not why we are here. I just brought it up to say, this might be part of the reason I can’t remember exactly where I was five years ago.

I know I was in Uni. What level? (shrugs) I don't know. But what I do know for sure is: I’m not the same girl I was five years ago.

In that time, I’ve made friends, lost some. I was in a toxic situationship, you know the type. You want out so bad but your heart’s like, “Nah, let’s suffer a bit more.” Thankfully, that chapter closed. (Good riddance, honestly.)

But the most significant change that’s happened to me is working on my self-growth, femininity and personal development in areas of emotional intelligence, self-awareness and value system.
Honestly, it’s been a difficult journey.

From letting go of friendships that didn’t align with my future, to walking away from relationships that no longer served me (hardest thing ever, by the way), to becoming someone who values genuine connections and deep-rooted authenticity, which is why I also worked on building a true companionship with my family. Beyond the "this is my mum, this is my sister" thingy, to see them as people I truly love and can confide in and to create a space where I can be the same for them.

And no, I didn’t map out some “upgrade my life in 5 years” plan, I’m way too unserious and spontaneous for that, lol. But I did have a vision: the woman I want to become.

So, while my journey hasn’t been perfectly planned, I’ve been fiercely intentional about one thing: clearing the path. Removing every obstacle, be it personal habits that are corrosive or friendships that are draining or though pattern that is cheap and low, basically anything that stands in the way of becoming her.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about becoming. So, cheers anyway, to becoming that graceful, kind and valuable woman, whose price is far above rubies. 🥂