Sometime ago, I met this elderly woman who was at least, 70 years old, at a field I usually go for my evening strolls. She was seated on a bench there just looking at the sky. At first, I didn’t want to bother her, thought she might have been out for fresh air. However, after about 30 minutes of sitting there without so much as looking away from the sky, I got worried about her, she’s not someone I’ve seen in the compound before so perhaps she’s waiting for someone?
I went to her to ask if she was okay and that’s when I saw the tears in her eyes. It was such a painful sight, seeing such an old woman look so sad even to the point of crying, I tapped her and asked if she was okay and then she busted into more tears.
Initially, I thought perhaps she lost someone dear to her, so I bent and started consoling her. Imagine how taken aback I was when her first word to me was, “I hope you’ll live your life without regrets” and then she started crying again.
I felt deep empathy for her and wanted to do anything to help her feel better, so I sat beside her and just patted her hands through the tears. After about 5 minutes, she calmed down and proceeded to tell me her life’s story. To be honest, I don’t think she told me because she wanted me to learn from it, she did because she needed someone to tell everything to. Someone who does not know her hence, will not judge her. Someone she’ll probably never meet again. A proper stranger.
When she was younger, all she wanted to do was sing. She joined and won every singing competition. She was a part of the church choir. It gave her much joy to form songs in her head and teach it to the choir members so they’d present it in church on a Sunday service. Proceeding to the university, she wanted to study music. But her father wouldn’t spend money on a child, a female child for that matter that wants to study one of the most unimportant courses ever. So, she went ahead and studied medicine.
Imagine my shock to have found out that this woman, out here in the sun, talking to me is a medical doctor.
She fell in love with medicine because she was able to help people. She loved seeing the joy on mother’s faces when she delivers their babies or the joy on family’s face when a surgery is successful.
However, as much as she had fallen in love with her job. Every week was a constant battle of asking herself, “why am I doing this?” “Am I truly happy?” “Should I just drop everything and start something else afresh?’.
By that time, she had already outgrown her love for singing. Maybe because she felt like her time has passed and it’s far too late to chase a singing career now or just because she felt too intimidated to go back in time while her mates press forward from the present into the future. It was too daunting, so she decided it was a fleeting passion and it’s gone.
But days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into year, the more time passed, the emptier she felt. Everyday brought her closer to abandoning her job as a medical doctor because at some point, she felt like she was just doing it to achieve stability in her life in terms of finances and responsibility, but is she happy? NO.
Now, she’s retired and at peace with beautiful children that take great care of her. But she just wonder, what has she done with her life? Even at that old age, she felt like she still doesn’t understand the point of coming to this Earth. Yes, she had fun, did important things, even had and brought up children, so why does she still feel empty? Till her last day at work, it constantly felt like, there was a piece of the puzzle missing and it still feels like that.
Now, she’s scared that she’s going to leave this earth never feeling complete, constantly feeling like there’s a piece of the puzzle missing. For her, it is such a deep ache.
This conversation with her really enlightened me as much as it scares me. Often time, we focus on surviving this world, fitting into society and moving up the ladder with our peers, we forget to actually live. This world, the earth, our lives is such a labyrinth.
Navigating it can sometimes get too difficult, honestly, so so difficult. But if there’s one thing I don’t want to be filled with at the end of my days here, it’s regret.
And as confusing as it might be for one to actually find purpose, my conversation with that grandma gave me a definition to purpose. It is that one piece that completes the puzzle. That one thing you do that makes you feel whole and complete, that’s purpose.
My hope is that we all find and fulfill ours.
Thank you for reading! 🧸🧡
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All images were generated from Meta ai
