GIRLS HATE WRESTLING [007 | Great Balls of Fire pt.1]
Girls Hate Wrestling is a blog run by a girl, who in fact, loves pro-wrestling. This was originally an idea for a youtube series with my best friend, but that never happened. Now it's going to be a blog, possibly some videos, of me channeling my love of a testosterone fueled soap opera of greased up men in underwear battling to lay on top of each other for 3 seconds... sometimes for a belt.
I’m going to apologize in advance for my severe lack of posts, but to be fair, WWE has just been building storylines since MITB, so I’m just gunna catch you up to speed on RAW and what’s happening on Sunday on the ppv, and maybe some tidbits about Battleground until that card is lined up.
I will also admit, I am SLACKING on my wrestling intake throughout the week. I’m a weird bipolar 25 year old working a physically demanding warehouse job when I would rather be in a ring. As much as I love WWE, they’re just rehashing as much shit from the Attitude Era as possible for the New Era and I’m probably gunna bounce over to the Indy side of the business for awhile, if and when I have the energy for that many blogs! Lucha Underground is a fantastic Spanish/English almost crime drama soap opera with wrestling. New Japan is just straight up some of the best goddamn talent on the planet and there’s plenty of small promotions getting off the ground.
Here we go, ladies and gents!
[DING DING DING]
The FIRST EVER Great Balls Of Fire ppv is a RAW exclusive happening this Sunday, July 9th at the American Airlines Center in Austin, Texas. We’ve got a pretty big match card with some really great bookings as far as in-ring competition, although I feel like storylines are a bit rough right now. Seriously, PLEASE be better by SummerSlam.
WWE Universal Championship Match
WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar vs Samoa Joe
There’s been quite a lot of build up for this match since Payback. Brock won the Championship at WrestleMania and hasn’t been in the ring since... (SO MUCH FOR THAT 30 DAY TITLE DEFENSE.) Samoa Joe won an Extreme Rules Fatal 5-Way to be No. 1 Contender. In reality, of the 5 guys. Only two are “big” dudes to be going up against Brock. Okay, let’s get one thing very clear. I HATE Brock Lesnar. I have never and will never like or support this man in any ring or octagon. Keep yo steroids outta my wrestling! I’m honestly terrified he’s gunna hurt or kill someone in the ring because he’s sloppy and has two moves. Suplex, F-5. BIG DEAL. I’m not a Samoa Joe Fan either but as soon as he was No. 1 Contender, I’m all about it. He made Paul Heyman pass out with the Coquina Clutch and almost had Brock down and out THREE times two weeks ago. I really just want the Universal Title in the hands of a fighting champ, not a part timer in Vince’s pocket. Moving on.
Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman (Ambulance Match)
Jabroman is my boy. I hate Strowman. I am generally not a fan of someone’s gimmick being “I’m a big dude. ARARARGGGG. I get what I want or smash stuff ARRRRGAGAGAG.” Which is exactly what Strowman does. Roman is equally loved and hated in this business. It was a big deal when Roman injured Braun and he as out for two of six months recovery time and came back smashing up things as usual. Braun “flipped” an ambulance with Roman in it and they kept rolling with this storyline and now on Sunday one guy has to incapacitate the other and put them in an ambulance, shut the doors and have the driver leave the arena. Then you win. Okaaaaaay…
WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match
Raw Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss vs Sasha Banks
I haven’t been particularly interested in the Raw Women’s division, as I can’t stand Alexa Bliss. At all. So I’ll hope for Sasha to get the gold and we’ll see what the do from there. 95% chance Alexa retains and I’m pissed off for another few weeks. She’ll probably lose it fabulously at SummerSlam.
Seth Rollins vs Bray Wyatt
There’s been some weird feud between these guys. I haven’t exactly followed because it hasn’t been super direct except as of the last two weeks or so. They’ve both been mixed up in a lot of other matches and not a whole lot of direct build up to this. Bray thinks he’s a God and Messiah. I like to refer to him as Dready Swamp Redneck with a God Complex. Seth is just amazing. This is going to be some great in ring competition if Bray actually wrestles more than he promos. The dude’s good, cut the shit and let him wrestle. I’m okay with either guy winning this one.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Intercontinental Champion The Miz w/ Maryse, Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel vs Dean Ambrose
The Miz is doing his “holier than thou” IC Champ thing, as usual, but with two extra guys to add to the fuckery that Maryse generally causes by herself. Now he’s got himself a Miz-tourage so this match has become 4 vs 1 as long as the ref doesn’t see 3 of the 4 hitting Dean with cheap shots. All of this because Miz thought Dean was ruining all the things and got his wife a little bit pissed on live tv. Just give Dean the damn title so Miz can throw a fit some more. I hate him, but damn, gotta respect a good heel.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cruiserweight Champion Neville vs Akira Tozawa w/ Titus O’Neil
I haven’t stayed caught up with 205Live, so I’m almost clueless as so what’s going on in the storyline here. I know Titus O’Neil can’t be bothered with in-ring competition so he’s making some “worldwide brand” and recruited Akira and Apollo Crews. Neville has basically just destroyed everyone as King Of the Cruiserweights. I do really enjoy Akira, so we’ll see how this goes. Someone else needs to hold that title.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championship (30-Minute Iron Man Match)
Raw Tag Team Champions Cesaro & Sheamus vs The Hardy Boyz
This is a feud I could watch, quite literally, forever. I have loved the Hardy Boyz for 20 years. I am a BIG fan of Cesaro & Sheamus as a tag team and as singles competitors. These four dudes put on a hell of a wrestling match every time. This time around, we get an Iron Man match so whichever team has the most pinfalls or submissions at the end wins the Tag Titles. I won’t be upset no matter what way this goes. This is one thing they’ve booked right, and keep booking right. I mean these guys have done, steel cage, 2 out of 3 Falls, and now an Iron Man match!
Enzo Amore vs Big Cass
MY NAME IS WEDNESDAY MILLER AND I DO NOT APPROVE OF CREATIVE BREAKING UP THE CERTIFIED G’s. How you doin’? Honestly, Enzo Amore is one of the greatest mic-workers this company will ever see. He’s a little dude and could use some in-ring work for sure. Cass is just tall, and relatively beasty in the ring but needs mic work. They were a perfect tag team. Enzo Amore cried real tears and Cass was trying to not cry before he planted fucking Enzo with a big boot. I haven’t been this sad over a tag team split in years. THEY NEVER EVEN GAVE THEM THE TAG TITLES. Screwed ‘em every time. The entrance is so sad now. And Enzo will go over with the crowd as the little guy that always keeps fighting, Cass will be a great heel for a bit, and probably have an Edge-like singles run if they do it right.
[DING DING DING]
So there’s your match card, and my very rough rundown of the buildup and my hopes for what’s to come on Sunday night. Thanks for checking it out. Stick around and I promise I’ll stop being a Jabroni and be more active with my posts!
All photo credit to wwe.com
