I love to rap music. I like the cadence, the rhythm, the word play, the way the words make the music bounce, the internal rhyme. I love it still but I recently times, I have begun to crave silent music, music that does not use words. Jazz music, classical music and some film scores can really put me in a realm to begin making good art.
I love how Jazz makes me feel happy, the sad, then open; I mean a whole gamut of emotions. I feel and as a writer, especially one whose feelings can seem like a copy of the real thing, being able to feel these emotions is a terrible gift. But when I really want to mine the deep dark emotions in my writing, sad songs are my go to. Sad songs can be in the jazz format or the classical or a film score but they do give me room to live in the moment of deep feeling.
In a way, my writing is made up of moods and feelings which I sometimes generate from the music that holds me captive. If I can feel a song in my veins, then I can write, riding the sound waves, free as a ghost ship rising from the deep. Rap or hip-hop does not give me the kind of feeling needed for the kind of writing I make but this does not mean that they do not serve a purpose in my writing.
I remember falling asleep on my father's couch and a song fell into my delirium with words that pleaded with me for help. I moved from half sleep to half wake and wrote a poem based on the feeling and the words spoken in my half delirious state. That poem was published later on but this is not about the publication of a poem but rather, a discovery.
Music is the beautiful soul baring itself to the strange world we inhabitant. It is good and dangerous to be this fragile and it is this fragility music fills me with. I hope I can one day tell of how quiet my spirit becomes when a music I care for plays. Lana Del Rey remains a very pivotal musician in my writing life. This is How to Disappear' is a beautiful song. It reminds me of loneliness.
📸: X-ray of a flower
