Literally, I'm writing this post with tears steaming down my eyes. It's almost 2am and I have to be up for work at 6am. So why not just spend this sleepless night posting here.
Over 4 months here of working my arse off, still nothing. If not for a few curated posts, I wouldn't have a substantial Steem Power. And until now, I couldn't even reach to an SP to have a slider. It feels like a dream that will take another 4 months at the rate or my growth. I think I have to stop dreaming I'll even become a dolphin here. What more a whale. What kind of illusions have gotten into my head to even think I'll reach that!
Burn Out
I am burnt out. I have called in sick a few times at work due to sleeplessness working here in Steemit. I am doing a shitty job where I am getting paid to do better here in Steemit where I only get cents to a dollar.
When do I stop?
I don't know what's the standard timeline one has to take to see all the unfairness here. To remind oneself- don't feel entitled, you don't deserve to earn, just keep killing yourself for free. And at times I really want to kill myself literally but I am a coward to do that. Looks like nothing I do in life ever succeeds. An unfinished masters' thesis (thanks to the ER of my employer who declined my data gathering request last minute after all regional heads have approved it and after spending 1 year for the proposal!), ended relationships (I am literally alone and have no more family or friends), a dead end career, an illness that won't get cured....I want to stop listing o...I hate my life...
Before You Judge Me, Know that I Have Tried Everything I Can
- Post
- Comment a million times (aka engage)
- Mod
- Chat
- Discord
- Curate and now a real curation team
- Support People
- Chat with people even if I feel totured because I can sense that I am not welcome, I am not cool enough and some don't like me
- Be Present all the time
- Grow Organic
- Build Connections
- Repeat all of the above
And these are getting me nowhere.
And I see a lot of High Quality Content Creators go nowhere too while the same people are upvoted by the whales. It's a cruel world.
Goodnight.
PS.
I see all the push to promote Steemit and get more people in. But have you also thought of RETENTION?
Oh well, I really have to sleep, it's 2.41am and this is the quickest post I have ever done!