I was robbed six days ago and it isn't the first time.
Besides the fact of me being robbed, which isn't the first time, I lost money too.
One of the first memories of losing money was the wallet with 100 guldens for shoppings, at least 100 guldens. I was bicycling as I discovered it, touched my pocket. I still remember the place, the street, the direction I went to. No need to say how I panicked and searched for it. Of course, I didn't find it. Of course, it wasn't returned and of course, I was beaten up for it.
Not beat up I was for finding a wallet and returning it. A wallet that contained ten times more than the one I lost. I wasn't thanked for it either. The owner gave me a look, a certain look as if I was the one who had stolen it although she had put it on the baskets with bread as she picked one.
**I lost high amounts of money, ** investments. The cash I had to scratch together so I could pay for four saving-life insurances. Twenty-five years of saving was the plan but it ended faster and differently than expected. The start of the economical crisis. I found a way out while hundreds could not and sued the Aegon together. They were left broke behind while the Aegon is still around doing good business. They took the money and had a good laugh increasing the poverty
How come no one cares about the bad management of insurance companies and banks no longer beats me. They will be beaten up or punished but always be saved by the bell, the cabal. The taxpayers pay their debts but no bank ever saves those with debts. A person with a bad name will always be registered as such if it comes to companies they continue whatever they do and no one gives them that strange look.
It's shocking how much money I spent in my life. The word wasted fits better. All those things I bought, paid for and no longer have. Most of what I bought is given away or broke if not lost or left behind.
I wasted even more money if it comes to my children but the number one are strangers. All those amounts I gave after being manipulated, used, lied to, out of pity or out of free will... If I would have kept it for me, saved it, I would be a millionaire by now. I was ribbed of by people I knew, who I trusted and by strangers. All those people have something in common: small excuses, manipulative, too lazy to work themselves, to invest, living a good life on someone else's expenses. Those scammers... They even dare to say: you don't know how it is to be me, what my life looks like. As if they care about my life, how I get out of the debts and misery they gave me. As if they care about my children who suffer because of their greed. My child suggested I should write about that, those thieves but to be honest I am tired of that. Tired of repeating myself and finding a way to survive. If over 80% of your income goes to taxes and the rent of a home there isn't much room left to share and it does hurt if you are tricked and robbed again. What even hurts more is the fact I know people can not be trusted, I know they are abusive and steal the last penny you have (my own mother is a very good example of that) but there isn't one single exception after all those years! I met so many people during my life but not one of them proved the opposite. Not one of them turned out to be honest, be able to admit, start a friendship for life. This proves it is a bad idea to give to someone 'in need'. Fights, disappointments and all sorts of feelings are what is waiting for you if you give or borrow money. What you give will never be enough and if you give you are not seen as a friend but a threat or the ATM where they can pull out money for free to continue their lifestyle.
Of course, there is something wrong with me. Wrong in the way I still care and share with others. It's the worst thing you can do if you can barely survive yourself. The world isn't a better place if you give away your last piece of bread to a person who demands beef or whose first thought is to make you pay him, hack your account, take all your money and run. Not even a 'thank you' or the slightest bit of guilt... no, the only thought is how to do it again and get more.
I don't want my children to be like me, I don't want them to share. I tell them not to and to think about themselves first. Goodness comes with a good heart and character frequently in combination with the bad lessons preached by church leaders, school teachers and 'socialists' (lefties with rich parents). The biggest joke is those who preach it most are not the ones who sacrifice themselves, who pay the bill. The hypocrisy among people is so high, the lies, cheating, envy, disrespect, manipulation and begging that I do not want my children to join that group. I don't want them to be Christians, wasting their time and energy on people who do nothing in return, who take them for granted and reward their goodness with lies, cheating on them and manipulation.
Some say if you are born in a certain country there is a reason for that. I start thinking this is true. I am responsible for me, my life, those who depend on me because it was me who put them into this world. I am not responsible for others, especially not for people who do not think about their own future, who rather live by the day and spend 20 hours a day in bed or by gaming and partying.
It's a good thing I don't live in the USA.
If I would have had a gun and shoot those who molested, abused and manipulated me, those in my way. Everyone who cheated on me tried to break me, harmed me and my children. Those who stole from me. I know I wouldn't regret it. Each name on my list I would blow out of my way and it would feel like a relief. No remorse, guilt, shame but a relief. The same relief those feel at the moment others have if they realize nothing really changes unless they make a statement. A statement that will wake up the community or the world for as long as it takes to get back to normal and ignore what has happened (like people always did if we may believe the bible).
Instead, my record with names is getting longer and longer and with it is my list with things to do. A file that most likely will be longer at the moment I die. That will be the moment I realize for the last time I did nothing good for myself and I let myself be manipulated and robbed and was a dummy till the end.
Writing about it, keeping a diary doesn't make me feel better. I know myself. You think you get over it, are over it but as time passes by it pops up again. It doesn't matter how many papers with names on them you buried or burnt. Bad experiences can not be wiped out. That little voice inside will pop up and say: you learned nothing, you still made the same mistakes year after year.
Being poor isn't an excuse, debts are no excuse neither is a bad childhood a reason to harm people
Pickpockets are selfish so are manipulators, scammers, liars, cheaters, banks, insurance companies, businessmen, postmen who don't deliver what you ordered and paid for, and hackers. If they break someone they should count on the fact one day someone will pay them a visit and without any warning pull that trigger and end it all.
July 10, 2021
