Not in the mood to talk or write... "Eventually, discouragement catches all of us," someone dear to me wrote.
It's true eventually it does especially to those who have a good reason to feel the way they do at this very moment. Discouraged... How to encourage someone who doesn't live next door? A person who needs to hear you are willing to listen and if you can give that helping hand? You can write back but if the message doesn't arrive or isn't read.
Life, present life isn't all about co-vi-d. Just like most people I had it with all the negativity and tyranny. No, worries I know a part of those who read this truly believe the virus exists and is a killer. If this seed is planted in your brain it's too late for a reason. Still, I do believe we live in an interesting time (age if you like). Let's say the masks fell off and people show their true faces. Today we know who our friends are and who our enemies and above all, we meet ourselves. That person that hid in the dark suddenly fights for freedom while the big mouths turn out to be the big cowards. We finally see with whom we are dealing for real. Who supports whom. Indeed this will divide the population and nothing will be like it once was. Is this a loss? I don't think so. What is a world or your neighbourhood worth if your neighbour next door is a hypocrite, your parents turn out to be Nazis voting for genocide while friends call you a conspirator or terrorist? How to motivate yourself during hard times? Most of all know how it feels to be rejected, disliked, not believed, bullied or not being invited to the party. If you need to stay inside 24/7 it can be very stressful to share a room with people who love to kick you down or can't stop complaining. You wish you had some peace, mostly the peace of mind to think things over. On the other hand, living alone can drag one down too. There might be peace and harmony but there's no one you can talk with about what keeps you busy. How to deal with that? How to find a person willing to listen, someone, who doesn't judge you?
It's hard but not impossible especially not if you have access to the internet. You can search for some platforms of your interest, just read or leave some comments. You can watch films or search for people who share your opinion as a way to create a bond and if someone offers you a hand you can grab it. There's no need to stay friends for the rest of your lives. Some people show up at a certain time in your life and walk along with you till the moment you can walk the path alone. What they do you can do for someone else too.
What is the reason I get out of bed each day besides a toilet visit and a painful face or back?
I must admit on most days there's nothing. My children can get out of bed alone and if I don't do the dishes or the laundry they won't easily complain.
The fact is once out I never go back to bed although, I promise myself I can. It's cold, I feel cold and the pain is real I should better take some extra sleep but I don't. Once out I make myself a mug of tea, do the dishes, clean up, open windows and take care of the animals no matter how I feel. Today is a bad day but I hang in since the children aren't home yet. I tell myself after we've had dinner together I can go back to bed.
Like said I promised myself an easy day which means I multitask. While doing my tasks I listen to two podcasts which keeps my mind distracted from how I feel. I search the internet where the man lives and read some articles about how to invest. Not that the info brought me any further but the time passed. Next, I searched for how to do without Google. Good to read I'm not the only one who needs or wants to do without all the extra options google tracks you with (35 times within the hour!).
So how do I motivate myself? By fooling myself mainly. I know I still fall for it and once out means I stay out. I have to admit that if I wouldn't have children my day would look completely different. No need to clean, do the dishes, do laundry, cook, most likely went to bed if I felt to it and live the life of a hermit (which reminds me of what Fauci said: most people aren't able to survive in/with nature it will take generations to do so.).
At the end of the day, I'm satisfied with myself. What I achieved on the day I promised myself I would keep it easy on me. There's no need to be active for 150% if you don't feel it. It doesn't matter if something specific caused it (with me it's the weather) or it's just not your day. I always have a list of things to do that involves small tasks or thoughts I want to invest time into too. So today I did some of those tasks without the need to run up and down and invest too much physical energy. It wasn't a complete break of life like staying in bed with the curtain closed for a day of three would be but it helped me. I pampered myself by taking it easy which motivates me to not give up on myself completely.
