Today I feel exhausted. Exhausted I am too after shopping, on Friday's and after a bad night rest. Because of that, I went back to bed because since days my dizziness controls me. I feel it is wiser to take it easy for a change.
What did I except? Of course, I can't sleep no matter how dizzy I feel. My head keeps spinning. I tell myself it's fine to lose consciousness for the next two hours or so but that doesn't happen.
The light... It hurts my infected eyes, once I turn at my side I feel worse, I try to cover my head and shoulders with a blanket and push my pillow underneath my neck and the side of my head to prevent myself from falling. It doesn't help either covering my eyes. The shirt feels heavy and it hurt my eyes.
I turn around, pull up the blanket because my room is extremely cold and although covered by the blanket I feel a draft!
My throat is dry and I am too tired to get out to drink some water. There are bottles next to my bed but I cannot open them without a tool plus I feel so cold. Once lying on my back I feel dizzy but my neck hurts and my feet are still cold.
I feel sicker and sicker and think back on the time I spent in hospital. They found nothing although I pointed at it, told what caused it but since I was at a different specialist...
I don't want to go back to hospital. Once inside it's hard to go back home. I don't have the energy to fight for going home plus visitors are not allowed. For three or four weeks clothes I don't have and sharing a shower and toilet with six other people is a good reason to stay home.
I visit the toilet and decide to use the eye drops I ordered at Aliexpress. It can hardly be worse than all the other special drops, cream et cetera I tried. All expensive and not one of them helped. A huge waste of money it was.
Back in bed... It's 12:15 is it really that late? I need to lay down longer, am too dizzy and miserable to sit down. For a moment I think it's better to go to hospital, I should start packing a bag... No! I don't go. Dying in my own bed is a better option. They never helped me and this time it won't be different.
So many things I need to do. The wolves need water and food before I pick up my child from the bus stop. I can be a bit later because it buys some underwear first. I turn around and wait. Wait till the cloud in my head disappears. Hopefully, it will happen in time.
From one moment to the next the dizziness leaves me. My neck still hurts but I can sit, walk and get dressed. I open the windows and am on my way out. Just like in my head the fog disappeared and the sun even shines. It's 1:45 p.m. I feed the wolves, wash my hair, sit outside for a moment. Just a few minutes to recover from my time in bed.
