Today I want to do something different.
My two previous posts were examples of anxiety in my daily life, and what I feel as I move through the day. So far, I've dealt with mornings and afternoons, not evenings and nights (which I will get to in the following days).
However, today I want to talk about the moments when anxiety isn't present. Those moments when you, as I said in the last few lines of the previous post, feel relief but it's brief. This is a perpetual cycle of anxiety. You go from shortness of breath and a rapid heart rate to a sense of normality. This normality will last anywhere from ten minutes to twenty four hours. Sometimes longer. It depends on the severity of your anxiety.
Yesterday I had a great day without anxiety, I'm sure it was there in some capacity, but I sure didn't feel it and it didn't ruin my day. That's why I didn't post anything about anxiety. I didn't have the up-front, in-your-face exposure to it like I usually do, so I decided to take advantage of the glorious day and enjoy life.
I met some friends for lunch, we went for a walk in the woods, we laughed at a woman who left her dog in her car and talked too long to us about her dog that she left in the car, we chilled at a bookstore and desired every book we couldn't afford.
It was a great day spent with wonderful people.
And this is the trickery, the mirage, the illusion.
This is anxiety's sleight of hand.
There will be days when anxiety doesn't affect you. There will be days when you feel absolutely fine. Cherish these days. Relish them. These days are gas stations along an Arizona road. NEXT GAS 163 MILES.
You may have days wherein the world is a technicolor wonderland filled with whipped cream flowers and the smell of cinnamon is woven into the fabric of the air. Trees grow Starburst candy, and the rivers are your favorite soda.
Bathe in the glory of these days. Let their joy and splendor wash over you and shower you with intense happiness.
But don't get discouraged when you lie down at night and your ceiling is ripped away by violent winds.
These dormant dragons wait for the sun to set, and once the final rays of warmth turn to cold night, they ignite the starry sky with sulfur breath.
They are crafty wyrms. They vex and hex and lie with every flap of wings, turning the smallest sounds into the greatest pings.
This day was good, and you felt relief, but, again, it was brief.
The dragons rise, and fill the skies, to take your world as their prize.
