Life was great for me as a teenager and as an early adolescent.
I was able to graduate from high school with honors. My best friend and I have been friends for 7 years now and counting, and nothing has changed about the way we understand each other to the core of our existence. The problems I had faced were not as heavy or as difficult as the burden on most people's shoulders. I thought back then that everything I had experienced and overcome was already a huge success. At the age of 17, I was foolish enough to ask God secretly in my heart, "Is this all you've got?"
Then came college.
I failed math in my first semester as a freshman. During that same semester, I accidentally slipped and shattered my lens, thereby lacerating my eyelid (but thankfully not blinding my eye). It left me traumatized and crippled for two weeks, which was a huge reason that prevented me from doing well during finals week. I experienced culture shock, and I wasn't able to shake off the mental rust I accumulated during my five month vacation before college. Right now, I am about to enter my 4th year as a college student, but I haven't even taken at least 50% of the total units required for me to finish my degree program.
When I think about all of the misfortune I've experienced during these past three years, I realized that maybe this is God's manner of discipline for recklessly showing my pride to Him. I am still thankful though, because He wants His children to change for the better, including me.
Hebrews 12:6 (KJV)
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Growing up, I've learned through experience that I won't get everything that I want.
As early as now, this reality is manifesting itself to me. As of now, I'm at least two and a half years from completing my course, and by that time I may still be in danger of not being eligible for free tuition in the Philippines anymore. My best friend is now going to study college at PUP in Manila, which means I won't be able to visit him anymore every Saturday, the same way we've done things the past seven years. I've recently lost one of my two government cash grants because of failed grades. My girl best friend will be celebrating her 18th birthday on July 28, and it will likely be the last time we'll ever see each other. Most of my friends in high school are far away now, and very few of the people I met in college have continuously kept in touch.
Thankfully, despite not getting what I want, God had mercy on me and provides me with everything I could ever need. For now, I'll continue learning as a young adult, do my best to put God before everything else, and trust that He will guide me every step of the way.
Philippians 4:6 (KJV)
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Matthew 6:33 (KJV)
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Thanks for reading! More to come.
Take care,
Jesse Mar
