May 2021, a first orientation in Portugal. I joined a friend to see what this country has to offer. I saw many positive things. Things that were getting blurry in my former country of residence. I started to think and prepare. I wanted to know if spending the winter in Southern Europe (and especially Portugal) was as good as many people say. Bought a camper van, put all my stuff in storage and went on a new adventure. After 6 months I can tell you now where I stand now.
My time in France went quick, my camper van was to high for getting through a the nicest spots along the coast. Spain I did not even spend 1 night yet. Portugal was the main target. I went back to the area where I felt at 'home' earlier last year. I met the same people again and that felt good. I have at least a good friend and some other nice friends in the area. Looking for property went quick, I visited several houses and started bidding in the first 2 weeks.
I also wanted to see other area's. The Algarve and visiting another good friend on the Silver Coast. This last friend already warned me I would get stuck and I did. I ended up with a new girlfriend. Everything felt intense and amazing. It felt like paradise sometimes. But as you know, good things don't last forever. A lot of stuff happened and also a lot of stuff didn't happen. For example, I still have a guitar, new camera and drone to start practicing with. And also the Portuguese language is something I need to improve. Almost forgot that I have bodyboarding gear in the van, that was only used once, just before the mountainbike accident.
And now reality hits
In six months I've been ill quite some times. Several stomach flues and last week a heavy viral infection. Dental issues. And a serious bike accident. The thing is, I don't really have the option to recover, my camper van is in the garage for over 8 weeks now. I need to take a daily bike ride through the steep hills to go to the garage and work on my own van, because they don't have time to fix it. I am staying at a quinta in the middle of nowhere, and also here I work 6 days a week. The adventure became more a survival.
I left the 'system' to enjoy life and feel more free. Meet like minded people and feel more calm. I do feel more free, but this roadtrip is a huge confrontation. Also here I feel stuck in life, not getting anywhere easily. I realize with my health issues, that I might actually be older than I feel. I still think that I can enjoy life like a 20 year old (something that I skipped when I was actually 20).
Chasing the dream life on your own is challenging. I travelled all over the world on my own. Starting a new life with the ideas that I have in mind, I realize that this dream needs a lot more energy. Energy that seems to be far gone. I've had 5 so called burn-outs in the past. To be honest, I feel exactly the same at the moment. It's like the image that I shot earlier this year in Nazaré; a jetski that tries to get out of the barrel and avoids to be crushed by one of the big waves. Constantly on full speed, trying not to be smashed.
Smashed
After being smashed too many times already, I would like to enjoy life again. Being surrounded by good friends, drinking some sweet caipirinhas, roadtripping in an awesome van and laugh a lot.
Most of my friends think I am living the dream and shouldn't feel bad, because I am in paradise. Depends what their definition of paradise is. I did find answers on most of my questions the last 6 months. Now I just need to find a way to find to get out of this whitewash...
