When someone criticizes you, they're not criticizing you personally; rather, they're criticizing the actions that you have performed. The key is to listen to their fact-specific reasons for their feedback and to stay calm and un-defensive.
Criticize the action, not the person
In most cases, the best way to criticize someone is to criticize the action, not the person. This keeps the criticism from being personal and hurtful. It also makes it more effective. However, there are times when a person may need a harsh critique from someone else. You must remember that this does not mean you should call someone a pinhead; it simply means that you need to tell them what they did was wrong.
When dealing with criticism, you must try to remain calm and patient. When you become too emotional, you may end up ruining your constructive criticism. Keeping your cool and your patience is very important in this endeavor.
Listen to the fact-specific reasons for their feedback
When you receive constructive criticism from a manager, colleague, or a customer, listen to their fact-specific reasons for the feedback before dismissing it. By doing so, you can make the feedback feel more meaningful and help you feel as if you're an equal partner in the conversation.
The main goal of constructive criticism is to make you better. In the case of criticisms, a positive evaluation is the best way to respond. If someone is criticizing you because of your personal attributes, it is important to see past these personal feelings and evaluate the feedback from a neutral perspective.
Avoid making excuses
Using excuses to explain our mistakes is a bad habit that can limit our potential. They prevent us from branching out or growing. Fortunately, there are ways to combat this habit. First, we must realize that we are not the only one who is prone to making excuses.
Secondly, when receiving criticism, it is important to recognize that the person giving it is not trying to judge you. Instead of getting defensive, try to explain how you learned from the criticism and what you plan to change. Remember, every person makes mistakes and we all have more to learn. Taking criticisms personally is not helpful and can lead to a confrontational conversation.
Avoid getting defensive
If you feel like getting defensive when you receive criticism, it's important to learn how to prevent this reaction. The first step in avoiding defensive reactions is to acknowledge them and be aware of them before reacting. You can also practice active listening skills, which will help you listen without reacting defensively. It's also helpful to ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand the other person's point.
While defending yourself may make you feel better in the moment, defensiveness can have negative effects in the long run. Not only does this behavior make you feel even worse, it can lead to a vicious cycle of defensive behavior. It's not only detrimental to yourself, but it can make other people feel bad about themselves.
