Those DMs get trashed on my end because I have a limit and my patience only goes so far, even if it’s an old friend.
Lately I’ve been on the receiving end of low brow memes sent by someone from my past. A close friend that became more than a friend over time. The relationship didn’t really develop well and it never became anything more than casual, filled with selfish desires and painfully confusing unknowns. We didn’t particularly leave on the best terms either. His sister and group of female friends slut shamed me because apparently, any chick that hangs around him is a whore. I got pulled aside and told that my reputation had changed within the group. My response was a raised brow and a snippy comment about how they didn’t know enough about me to have an opinion. Mind you, I had been friends with this person and his family for years so this conversation threw me off guard.
Fast forward to a year after this event. I get invited over for another winter holiday (one which I can’t recall because it’s been so long). My friend asks to date officially and I refuse. We haven’t spoken in forever, he hasn’t progressed in life and seems to be stuck in a rut. I’m not trying to be around solely for emotional support or to play someone’s mother. At that point in my life I had been dating casually and so I told him that I was seeing someone (which was true) and I made it clear that I’d rather pursue that relationship instead. He was pissed and we parted ways.
Another year passed and we tried to reconnect and salvage whatever friendship remained. We chat about how much we’ve grown and the hardships we’ve overcome. I have big dreams for the future and he appears to be self motivated. I find this new change in him attractive and I tell him so. It took courage but I even suggest casually dating because I now felt like we were meeting eye to eye. Those words must’ve sounded ridiculous to him because he proceeded to knock me down. He brought up what happened the year prior which is fair. I could accept his resentment and sympathize but what crossed the line was how he began to belittle me. He told me that my family was holding me back and that it was impossible for me to follow him on his journey or even the path to pursue my own dreams. In hindsight, I’m sure those were his own fears that he felt the need to take out on me. Back then, I felt like he was looking down on me because in his eyes I was some ‘poor female’ with big unachievable dreams.
I’ll take a second here to thank him. Months after this conversation, I meet someone that I want to try to be in a relationship with and eventually we take the next step. I move thousands of miles away from home. No friends, family or connections. I finally realize that I can exist anywhere I’d like and I enjoy the silence of not knowing or being bothered by those around me. The relationship I’m in becomes emotionally and verbally abusive. I’m changed because of it and my confidence is gone. I’m feel hideous and completely worthless. We break up and I slowly save money to return home. Once back, I’m focused on my career but was encouraged by friends to give dating another shot. I download Coffee Meets Bagel and Tinder as a joke. Then I accidentally meet 
Back to this old friend of mine. Ever so often, he likes to message me to try to strike a conversation. They were pretty harmless before. Lots of, how are things? How’s your family? Once I brought up
My life is so much better now and I don’t need shitty people from the past begging for my attention.
Photo taken and edited by me.
