Once I was in a car with some people, I don't remember who, but I do remember one of their comments: "For God's sake, how can they live there?" They were referring to one of the many hills of Caracas, populated with hundreds of little houses, one on top of the other. Life in these places is not easy, as you can clearly imagine, but I do not want to delve into that, however, there are many hardworking people, smiling, always ready to give a helping hand, as well as the other side of the coin, overflowing crime, dirty streets, piles of garbage, total anarchy, water shortages, riots, shootings ....
I know very well how it is to live in a place like this, I grew up in a humble house with my mother and my 7 siblings. Climbing more than 300 stairs to get home, without the right to an elevator was part of the daily routine and not to think about going out for bike rides when the place was not suitable for it, let alone there was no money to buy one.
In spite of everything, I do not complain so much about my childhood and adolescence, they were times of great economic deprivation but my mother taught us many values and I also had a lot of fun with my brothers and sisters.
Many had so much faith in me, I was very dedicated in my studies and I had many dreams, one of them was to leave the neighborhood to a nicer place. I was also very much in love as a child, but I have had very little luck in relationships even though I wanted it so much.
Some people who have known me for years have been surprised to know that until very recently I lived in my mother's house, most predicted another future for me and I myself also thought that my life would be otherwise, it can not be said that I have not tried, I studied several years at the university, although for various reasons I did not finish my degree, I also collected some money and tried business, but it did not go as I expected. Some things didn't work out as I would have liked.
And here I am struggling to pay the rent of a little house of a friend's husband, I am still in the same neighborhood, but I no longer have to climb stairs to get home, for many it may be a total nonsense, for others it is an advance, a small rise in hierarchy, for me a great irony, but I am still here, although I tried to avoid it so many years ago and I have played my cards wrong. I had to abandon my cats, something that still hurts me so much, but I must move on and forgive myself for what I didn't know how to do.
Truth be told, this was not what I wanted for my life, but here I am standing. If I had at least one love to accompany me I am sure I would have a more optimistic view of things, but sometimes I falter and get no way out.
If I had to choose between $200,000 USD and true love I would really think about it and I have thought about it, I have taken the question so hard and given it a lot of thought. I wish fulfilling one of those possibilities was as easy as thinking about it. If I had pondered it a few years ago, I would have said love without hesitation, but now, even though I so long to find a partner I have hesitated in my choice.
In December my mom became seriously ill and the fights between siblings were barbaric to cover medical and food expenses. I myself have time with a physical ailment that only I know what has affected my quality of life, my feelings and my thinking, I should do some expensive studies for a possible improvement with a very expensive treatment, because of this I can not go out to work as it should be, but I try to generate income through the internet and that is what is helping me, financially speaking.
On the other hand, for the last 5 Sundays I have been working in the bakery of a friend's husband, I work on Sunday so that the girl who attends the rest of the week can rest. I can handle a busy day, that's why I accepted to work on Sundays, however, it hurt me when the girl told me just today that she only earns $50 USD a week for working from Monday to Saturday from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM, sometimes even later because it depends on sales. It hurt me and made me feel very helpless to know how they take advantage of the need of some people for such exploitation.
With $200,000 USD I would stop worrying about economic issues, that in Venezuela is quite a lot of money and I could do many things, like buying a little house in a flat and quiet place where I could ride my bike, have a garden to plant flowers and some food, enough space for the cats. I would even buy a modest stroller and I could take my mother to the beach and other places, she doesn't have the energy to walk or ride the bus right now.
It would even be enough to open a small business and provide a decent source of work for at least a couple of people, possibly more.
The idea of that $200,000 USD is really tempting, I would be a liar if I said it wasn't and, if I think about it as a possibility, it would be quite appealing to me to choose it, many worries would be dissipated, I could contribute to alleviate also worries and basic needs of my loved ones. This would include $5000 for my 21 year old niece who requires an urgent operation to save the only kidney she has and $6000 for my friend Luis because he requires an operation to save his leg, for most in Venezuela it is not easy to get these amounts, but in both cases something is being done, at least in the case of my niece a good amount has been collected, however, it is still lacking.
On the other hand, the longing for a partner has been present in me almost all my life. I had a relationship that came close to what I wanted and it was good, other than that things in general have not gone well, ephemeral relationships, people who just want to hang out, in short, nothing simple either. For me a true and lasting love would be a great inspiration, I think I would see everything more beautiful, perhaps my strength would be renewed, it is possible that even the physical ailment would leave my body, I would be happier and who is happy can make others happy, perhaps in that full state I can attract new circumstances to my life and improve it in many ways.
For the reasons stated above and for others that I did not say, if I were presented with two paths, one towards $200,000 USD in cash and another towards the encounter with true and lasting love... It is not so easy because it depends on the situation of each person, in my case I would be quite selfish this time, I would go to his arms, I would reflect in his eyes and walk hand in hand knowing that this meeting will make us both better and bring better things to both of us, because if love does not make us better, then why do I want it?
This writing is inspired by 
The images belong to me and were edited in Canva.
