So, what sentence do you think I picked? Well, before I get to that, let us go over that the next step is.
Step 2: Take another hour and turn your sentence to a full paragraph describing the story setup, major disasters, and ending of the novel.
I picked this one:
A ghost stole an ancient relic tangled in a brier patch of secrets. Now all the team has to do prove it.
And then I wrote this:
In a modern world where ghosts, spirits, and supernatural happenings are uncommon but still very possible. An ancient relic is stolen from a museum where is was set to go on display. The team of sleuths begin their supernatural investigation but soon discover there are barely any traces. Then they do the staff and people of interest around the heist but fail to find any any proof. The owners of the relic demand supernatural causes be blamed but the team is unwilling to confirm the cause at this time. The museum fires the team. The team doesn't quit and learns about the long forgotten origin of the relic. They unravel the secret and reveal the culprit.
God, what a waste of 20 mins. It is, so bland, so generic it hurts. It says the heroes do things and then win. Okay, maybe it not quite that bad, but I still hate it. Looking at the paragraph, the issue was the sentence. It just didn't have hooks that I could feel. Like the sentence was an ultra smooth glass rod that slipped out of my mind faster than I could create anything fun about.
Alright. Let's go back to the other options and pick another one.
A ragtag group of sleuths investigate the tangled mystery of an ancient mask.
A group of friends turned investigators are hired to find a stolen relic.
Friends turned rising star sleuths investigate an ancient relic that holds dark secrets.
Rising star sleuths investigate the theft of ancient relic finding a brier patch of secrets and mysteries.
The tangled mystery of an ancient mask.
Friends, lovers, family, and ragtag group of investigators clash to find the truth.
After a string recent of successful investigations the team is called to find a relic stolen by ghost.
The best team of investigators are at it again. This time with the theft of an ancient relic and secrets older then your great-great-grandparents.
Friends turned investigators are hired to prove a ghost stole an ancient relic, but they will have to untangle secrets from the past to prove it.
Hired to prove a ghost stole an ancient relic. The team has to untangle a web of secrets.
Sleuths hired to prove a ghost stole an ancient relic tangled in a web of secrets.
Private Investigators hunting for proof that a ghost stole an ancient relic.
Paranormal sleuths hired to prove a ghost stole an ancient relic tangled in a web of secrets.
A ghost stole a relic from the museum. Now all the team has to prove it.
A ghost stole an ancient relic tangled in a brier patch of secrets. Now all the team has to do prove it.
Somehow, I don't love any of these. There are some themes there. Some Ideas. Some phrasing. Nothing that hits the nail on the head for me. Back to the drawing board. One last try on the sentence. After some thinking and puzzling about what I want the story to be. I wrote this:
A polyamorus group of sleuths untangle a brier patch of secrets surrounding an ancient relic stolen by a ghost.
This held a lot of hooks for me that let me start.
Now we can take a look the paragraphs that I wrote. Of course, I wrote multiples to find the right one.
Daphne , Fred , Velma , and Shaggy are all in a loving relationship. In a world where ghosts, spirits, and supernatural happenings are uncommon but still very possible and with skill verifiable. When an ancient mask is stolen they are hired to find it or prove it was a ghost. When they get to the scene of the crime they find some spiritual residue but not enough to make it a clear cut case. Without other leads they begin investigating everyone that had anything to do with the museum's exhibit which leads them to zero employees being involved. The owners of the mask decide that the group's services are no longer need due to their relationship status. The team doesn't quit and learns about the long forgotten story of how the relic was first found. They discover that the owners stole all the credit and wealth from finding the mask. The family of the real discoverer stole the mask back long ago and is now just ruining their reputation.
In a world where ghosts, spirits, and supernatural happenings are uncommon but still very possible and with skill verifiable. When an ancient mask is stolen and replaced with a fake, Mystery Incorporeal(Daphne , Fred , Velma , and Shaggy) is hired to find it or prove it was a ghost. When they get to the scene of the crime they find some spiritual residue but not where they expected. Without other leads they begin investigating the museum employees which ends up with them clearing all of them. The owners of the mask decide that the group's services are no longer need due to their polyamorus relationship. The team learns about the long forgotten story of how the relic was first found. The owners stole all the credit and wealth from finding the mask. The family of the real discoverer, has been trying to expose their lies and it has been in possession of the mask for many years.
The world provably has supernatural entities in it, just most people don't bump into that part of the world often or at all. When an ancient mask is stolen and replaced with a fake, Mystery Incorporeal( not Mystery Inc, a franchised brand of paranormal investigators, own by an older team of investigators) is hired to locate it or prove a ghost stole it. When they get to the scene of the crime they find some spiritual residue but just barely outside of normal range. The team learns the story of how the relic was first found. Without other leads they investigating the museum employees. Clearing all of them. The owners of the mask decide that the group's services are no longer need due to their polyamorus relationship. Unable to help themselves Daphne , Fred , Velma , Shaggy, and Scooby continue to hunt the culprits. They discover the real story of how the mask was found and how it was stolen back long ago. The owners had planned to perform insurance fraud when they figured out the mask they has been a fake all along. But the spirit proved it was a fake first.
These had so much more life to them. Each has bits and pieces that I loved. None that were 100% and made sense. I then cut the pieces I loved and arranged them into this:
The world provably has supernatural entities in it, happenings are uncommon but still very possible and with skill verifiable. When an ancient mask is stolen and replaced with a fake, Mystery Incorporeal( not Mystery Inc, a franchised brand of paranormal investigators, which people always confuse them for.) is hired to locate it or prove a ghost stole it. When they get to the scene of the crime they find some spiritual residue but not where they expected. The team learns the story of how the relic was first found. Without other leads they investigating the museum employees. Clearing all of them. The owners of the mask decide that the group's services are no longer need due to their polyamorus relationship and not being Mystery Inc. Unable to help themselves Daphne , Fred , Velma , Shaggy, and Scooby continue to hunt the culprits. They discover the real story of how the mask was found and how it was stolen back long ago. The owners had planned to perform insurance fraud when they figured out the mask they has been a fake all along. But the spirit proved it was a fake first.
All of this took just over 2 hours. Yup, went way over the time limit here. The extra time was worth it. Getting things like the gang's relationship, an actual plot and the world they live in right. Feels good. All in I am at 2h 53m, not counting writing this post of course.
Now that you know what, I'm working on a fanfic for Scooby-Doo. Do you have any thoughts or feelings about the story as outlined so far? Some things, like their relationship and being written into a world that takes the premise seriously, I am unwilling to change. Since it always seemed like subtext to me in the original series and even to some extent in later series as well.
Find the tools and files I'm using in the Snowflake Method Series.
