Just as I was to enter my and Jillian's apartment, the door swung opened. I could tell by the look on Jill's face that it wasn't going to be good news.
"What happened?" I asked.
She stopped mid-sentence, closed the door behind her, and simply said, "It's over."
I uh, I know we argued before, but I was expecting, you know, an apology."
"You want an apology, Zack? Fine! Apology accepted."
"Then why..." I started to ask, but cut myself short.
"Then why did I sleep with Bob?" she replied for me.
"No, I mean yesterday when we were...when we..."
"So, I'm not allowed to go out with guys, but you can screw them then dump them?"
"It wasn't like that," I said, but realized it sounded exactly like that.
"Well, too late. The damage is done. It wouldn't be so bad, except it really started to feel like you were growing distant. And, well, you see..."
"I'm seeing," I said.
"What you gotta understand is, I mean, if you can't, or won't, you know, then..."
She never finished that sentence. I knew, though. I knew what she was going to say.
My silence hurt her, and she started to cry. Her crying meant nothing to me except that she wasn't going anywhere in a hurry.
I took off my suit jacket and slung it over the couch. My phone was ringing from my jacket pocket. Fuck. I didn't want to know exactly how many calls I missed, or who.
"I made this for you," Jill said, holding up a piece of paper.
"My resume!" I replied. I read it quickly and saw that it was old. Very old. It was some job out of state.
"That's mine!" Jill shouted.
"It would be harder to find," I said.
"That doesn't make me feel better. Here," she said holding the envelope out to me, "here it is, right here."
Her body blocked my view.
"Probably my first name and everything," she offered, "but I knew that would make you happy. I guess I'm really the person you need to talk to."
"I guess so," I said, and I kissed her. She dug into my pocket.
"I guess pretty much any job would do," she said.
"I need to get going," I said.
"Going where?"
"Billings. I gotta apply in Billings."
"What?" Jillian exclaimed.
"Some job. I don't know," I replied. "Really. At least it's something."
"But, I dunno, I just, I thought..."
"I'm sorry, I really can't afford to stay in town. I have to find a job ASAP."
"But I let you fuck me!" she shouted.
"What?"
"That's so wrong," she said with an evil laugh.
There was a ringing coming from the other room. The landline.
"Jill, who the hell are you talking to?" I asked.
"No one. You're imagining it," she said in a hushed tone, then screamed, "it's Bob!"
"You're kidding," I stated.
I quickly ran into the bedroom and snuck a peek. She was lying in bed with a man, two people. I couldn't tell who. I should have known something was up, seeing her a couple of hours early, but I thought it was one of those forgetful nights.
"Bob!" I heard Jillian yell.
The door slammed shut. It really happened.
I rushed into the living room and called her name.
"Where are you?" I shouted.
No answer.
"Jillian..."
The ringing started again.
"Answer your phone," I commanded, and I checked the caller ID: 650-555-1212, not Jillian's number.
"This is the police," said a well-liked voice from the phone.
"What?" I said.
"It's your appointment to discuss your situation," said the voice.
I hung up the phone.
I called Jillian's number, but she was already gone. I put on some clothes, saying a quiet goodbye to the apartment, and grabbed the bags I brought from the bedroom.
I sped off toward the bus terminal where I hoped I could catch a bus to Billings. I drove as fast as I could not to make anyone behind me think I lost my mind. I kept looking into my rearview mirror to make sure no one was following me.
I decided to stop in Florence.
My phone was pre-stocked with a number of strangers' numbers by the time I had hit Florence. I stopped again and called them all.
"Carly?"
"Yeah?"
"It's me."
"Hi," she said.
"Listen, something's happened, and I need to get some help. Can you come over?"
"Sure, but she's still there, isn't she?"
I took a long breath, held it for a few seconds, then released it.
"Yeah, she is."
"I'll come over," she said.
I hung up and kept driving. The sun was yet to rise, I was too late to catch the 6:00 AM bus to Billings. I thought it would be the fastest, but I just wasn't thinking clearly. I stopped at Uncle Jerry's Diner on the outskirts of Florence and had some coffee.
"This is the place," I said to the waitress.
"I'll be right out," she said.
The diner was quiet. No one else in the place.
She still hadn't come out. I began to wonder if I was the one who lost my mind. The waitress returned to me and asked if everything was okay.
"No, I'm sorry to bother you. My friend," I hesitated, "she turned me away. My fiancé tonight. She's been having an affair. My best friend's wife."
"Sorry to hear about that," she said.
"So, for about a week now, I had this nightmare. I don't know what to do about it, but I think it's real. I don't know what the hell to do anymore."
"Why don't you talk to a lawyer?" she said.
"I already tried, but all they can say is there is nothing they can do."
"If you don't have any evidence of her having an affair," she said. "Then that's a tough one. I don't blame you for overreacting."
"I wish," I said as I gazed into my coffee mug.
I was silent for a long time.
"I'll get some cheese on that to go with your coffee if you don't mind, then," the waitress said.
"Thank you," I said and looked up to see a woman just exiting the back.
Carly walked to the table and sat down across from me.
"Let me guess," she said, "you want me to teach you about anger management."
"I just want someone to talk to about this. Someone I trust."
"Alright, I'll go with that. All of my real clients go through anger-management programs, and even the ones I just talk to on the phone do. I'll do it for free. You said you're moving?"
"I'm moving," I said.
"To Billings?" she asked.
"No. I'm hoping to go to Billings," I said.
"You look in your age bracket," she said, "you're a little young."
"Maybe. Hopefully I can get the job."
"I guess that's a direction," she said.
"I'm going to take a look at your book," I said, trying to change the subject.
"Which one?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. The one with the cover on it."
"Out of all of my books, why do you want to look at that one?"
"I'd really like to have her read it. I think she'd like it."
Carly reached down and grabbed the book from the ground. On the cover was a piece of black construction paper cut out to make extra glasses to the words, "being married sucks." Underneath the title was the author's last name.
"I'm not letting you look at it," she said.
"Guess not," I said.
"I'll bring one home for you to look at. It's not there now."
"I suppose it's the least I could do for you."
"Nice thought, but no, it's free if you want it. I would like to tell someone about it. You sure you don't want to look at any of my other books? Maybe one of those would be better."
"I think I'd start with the one in front of me," I said.
"I'll put the book on the table," she said, "then I'll get you anything else you would like. You can look at this at home."
Carly sat at the counter with her book.
She was gone for a while.
"If you're not happy with my book sitting there, I can just put it back in the drawer," Carly said.
I turned to look at my book.
"It's just, you're not really in it. You're not a character in it. I don't think there is a story line about you, if you know what I mean."
"I think it's just an exercise of her writings," I said, "she doesn't think there's a story line about me, and maybe there isn't. What you're thinking might be more important than what's actually there."
Carly just looked at me.
"I'm leaving," I said.
"Alright, I understand," she said. "You probably need a drink to get a good night's sleep. I'll write up a check for you after you leave," she said.
"I can't pay you right now," I said.
I turned to go.
"You can pay me later tonight," she said. "I'll be home by eight."
"Thank you," I said. "Tomorrow I'll pay you."
I walked out of the diner.
I made it to the bus terminal where I purchased a one-way ticket to Billings. It came out to $200. I'd spend the first fifty in the food court at the airport and the rest on plane tickets. The bus ride would take a couple of hours, and I'd have to be back to Florence by six. At least that's what the ticket said. I've always been good with numbers, so I thought this was the right way to go about this.
I sat near the window at the terminal and stared out the glass. A bus was arriving, and I wanted to make sure it was the one that was supposed to arrive. I knew I wasn't in the right place to catch one that early in the morning, but I was sure I'd be able to find my way back.
I saw a man enter the terminal. He carried a briefcase and made his way to the end of the row of seats. I got up and walked toward him with the ticket in my hand. He took the ticket and gave me a receipt back. He had dark purple hair and yet another goatee.
"That's the right bus, right?" I asked.
"Yup, that's it," he said.
"Lucky for you, they got a driver waiting for the bus. You won't have to wait long."
"Thanks," I said. "Appreciate it."
"No problem," he said. "Be safe on the road."
"Always," I said.
I walked back to the terminal. The bus was nearly there. I could see the driver pacing back and forth in front of the bus holding a yellow flag. I walked quickly through the terminal with the ticket in my pocket. I was glad I had my phone to keep me busy. I found a nice spot on the third floor to stand and watch the bus.
The bus pulled up. It was white and lavender with an Amtrak logo on the side. The driver was waiting for me to get on the bus so I hurried.
"Hurry up and hurry up," she said. "I have to be to Billings by nine o'clock."
I stood with my bag in the middle of the bus. I sat down between two people. One of them wasn't moving. I looked to see if he was dead.
"Nice jacket," the woman he was next to said.
"Thanks," I said.
I looked back out the window.
"A little too big, though," she said. "I'm only going to Billings."
"It's too cold out," I said.
"You can't tell me," she said.
"Yeah, I'm going to Billings."
"Hmph," she said.
For some reason the woman next to me made me nervous. I hoped she wasn't a nut.
The bus let me off at the edge of the city. I exited the bus and walked down the sidewalk, back toward Billings. I walked until I came to a large mall. I walked around for a while, looking at the stores. I was walking by an outdoor store when I saw the bus driver I had spoken to. I pretended not to notice her so she wouldn't recognize me. I walked toward the other side of the mall.
There was a Wendy's. I went there and stood in line for a Burger and Loaded Fries Combo Meal.
"That'll be $6.39," the cashier said.
"Are you sure you need that much food?" she asked.
I handed her two $5 bills. She swiped them both and gave me the change. I went to the last row to sit down. Everything seemed to be a struggle. I was alone, but no one was paying me any attention. I felt like I was a shadow in the crowd. No one really cared about where I was going or what I was doing. I felt like the world was watching me, but no one cared. It all seemed pointless. I didn't even listen to the couple that sat right next to me. I had no idea what they were talking about. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings.
I ate everything I ordered and then left without bothering to pay. I had about $25 remaining, so I was sure I'd get by.