I was only 15 years old when he made a promise.
His name is John. We were in a relationship during our high school years but it didn't last because his family needed to migrate in New York. Before he left the country he promised that after 10 years, he'll come back and meet me.
The story doesn't end there. We did not lost communication although it takes a long time before one of us messages one. We even become in a relationship then broke up but we stayed friends. Whenever I have problems, he's there to listen and we update ourselves with our current relationship.
Lustful days came. John impregnated his girlfriend named Ashley, there in New York. He's still young and at a young age, they can't start a family yet. It hurts on my side because there's still a few bits of hope in me that we'll end up together and that is very impossible. He was problematic those days so I was there to listen.
I scolded him at first. I was talking about how America discusses sex education when here in Phil only open minded family does that. What he needed is a friend that time so I calmed myself down and listen to his sobers and talks. He wanted the kid but he doesn't have a choice but to find a family to adopt it. A family in California wanted the baby so Ashley and John, together with their parents decided to give the kid .
Ashley and John broke up and never spoke up to each other again. After two years John is back to his innocent self. He graduated senior high and here in Philippines, I just finished second year college. I still have 2 more years to become a teacher. We're still long distance friends.
Another year passed and John has his own apartment and works alone and I was stepping senior year in College as a future educator. John called me "Almost Ma'am." We're still good friends.
All those years I had flings but I stayed single for him. I was confused between missing him and loving him. I don't know if I just miss him or I still love him. I was only 15 when we created a promise and I don't even know what true love those years.
I don’t know what happened, but John and I suddenly stopped messaging each other. I became a teacher and currently taking my masters in a university which specializes courses for the area of teaching. It's not A YEAR, YEARS have passed that we've ignored each other. A man came into my life and his name is Anthony. He's a triathlete at the same time a coach. We're long distance lovers too but we managed time. His offs belongs to me and we talk at night.
One night, I was cleaning my room. I saw the old box of my first laptop on top of my cabinet. I opened it. It was a box filled with memories of my teenage years. I saw a small glass bottle with a ring. It was the ring John gave me before leaving the country. It crossed my mind that it was ALMOST 10 years since he left. I wonder how he's doing right now. Is he married already, did he get back to Ashley and lived happily ever after and have forgotten about me? Why? All these years I can't stop thinking what I said wrong to him will he come back? Do I still love him? or I just miss the guy because I'm craving for answers for he never even visited my inbox?
One afternoon in our school, the classes we're half day for a preparation of an upcoming event. I was fixing my table to leave the school grounds. I wasn't a member of the committee so I'm the entire afternoon. A third year student walks to me.
"Ms. Lopez, a man outside in a maroon Montero is looking for you. He wanted me to give you this."
The kid leaves. It was a note. At first I thought it was just Anthony surprising me, but for what reason? It's not our monthsary, anniversary, my birthday or what. And Anthony doesn't have a montero. But he has a lot of motorcycles.
"Hey, I don't know if it's exactly 10 years but I was 15 back then when I promised I'll come back. And now I'm 25. I hope you can give me time for some coffee. John."
I was stunned. I don't know what happened next. I just grabbed my bag and walked as fast as I can to the gates. A white montero's wind shield rolled down and a guy in glasses is there. It's him. it's been years but I can recognize the smile, his lips, and the way he rests his arms. I walked to him as fast as I can. John went down his car we embraced each other so tightly. He invited me for coffee.
For some reason I don't want to ask about his love life but we needed to talk things out about our lives.
The sight of him made me happy but for some reason, it wasn't like the happiness Anthony gives me every time we meet each other. I did not expect this kind of feeling. I was expecting that my heart will jump with joy and forget the world revolving but NO. Why am I being this?
He took me some place else to have dinner and talk things about us. I was doing a tattle tale about my life as a teacher, how I'm experiencing the things I did to my teachers back when I was in high school.
Every story has its climax but endings are not based in a fairy tale wherein we'll have a happily ever after. If you're expecting for us to be together after 10 years, the answer is a big NO.
We lost contact to each other. Once again, John was in his stupidity. Got drunk in a wild party and the next thing he know, the girl is pregnant. But this time he's in the right age to start a family. He was too shy to tell me. He decided not to tell me about it because there's something going on between us but we're cowards to admit it. Even though he doesn't love the girl, he decided to take full responsibility and got married at the age of 23. His child is already 4 years old now. I asked him why he didn't have the courage to tell me about it.
"I chose not to tell you about it. You'll just remind me again of how stupid I am not because I impregnated someone again but because I let go of a woman worth loving. I chose not to because for the second time, my chance for us to be together ended in smoke. I'm so stupid. I'm supposed to be back to the John you met. I was drunk but it's not a valid reason for me to tell. But here I am, talking to you after 10 years. I was supposed to ask you if you'll marry me but I'm telling you how I got married. Even if I tell you, nothing will happen, she's still pregnant. I did not tell you because I know that you'll tell me, what to do, that I need to take full responsibility of my actions. And I did."
Tears flooded the moment as we both cry. His confession broke my heart. All these years he's married and having a kid. He apologized.
"I still love you. I needed to see you because I need to say good bye. It's not you, it's me because I will fall in love with you again and that is forbidden. I wanted a life with you because you're the woman I love but it's impossible for us. it will just hurt me. I needed to give you peace and free myself from you. I have a wife now and a kid. I know you and Anthony will be doing that in a few years now."
We need to separate ways. My eyes we're swollen after hearing such confession from him. I'm not hurt, I'm not jealous, I'm mad. I'm mad because all those years he needed me as a friend and he didn't have the courage to tell me about what's his problem is. I was always his friend. It hurts to know he's married but not in a way you think it is. We had our one last embrace. We let each other go.
I called Anthony and had a sweet talk to him about what happened to his day. And guess what, all my sorrows we're gone. I love Anthony. I love Anthony so much.
I just missed John because he was out this years and I wonder what he's doing. I love Anthony, because I can't afford to lose him. I lost John 5 years ago, still here I am standing strong. A tough woman in love with Anthony. I missed John but missing him doesn't mean I still love him. I love Anthony and if ever he asks me for marriage, I'll definitely say yes.
I don't how we'll put it but as a closing statement,
"You probably miss someone right now but it doesn't mean you still love him/her."
-Cerise-
