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This is what wrote I when I was talking to my friend and had the idea for this post, just the raw points that would remind me of the idea and let me flow with the writing of this post :
do something
doubt
nerves
fail
overthink
ego
people comments
reverse psicholgy
when you do something like playing guitar and then knowing how good you are not caring that there can be better people at it - get a comment from a person saying "wow you are good at that " and I know it - maybe don't think to say thanks. then they feel offended or something and then comment on your ego and make you not want to be that person that ego-centric person, so you don't play it off as cool or normal as you are and doubt yourself to end up not being better at it .
happy birthday, thanks?
I was talking to a friend about declarations and affirmations—those things people say to help themselves get or do what they want in life. There’s something about it that feels similar to praying. People do it differently all over the world, and more power to them if it feels right. It’s the idea of declaring what you want, or where you want to be, as if you already have it.
We also talked about how you can do something you’ve done a thousand times—something you’re good at—and do it perfectly, even on autopilot. You trust your muscle memory. Teaching someone new how to do that same thing can still feel natural and easy. But then, if someone with more experience—or even someone at your level—comes around just to watch you, suddenly you get nervous and start messing up.
It’s wild how just being watched can change everything. For me, I know I want to do the task perfectly when that happens. I start overthinking—either trying to play it cool or imagining the criticism that might come after—and that’s what throws me off. Not every time, but often enough to notice. I think we’ve all had at least one of those moments.
That brings me to something else: doing things well—and knowing you do them well.
I’ve had moments, like when I was younger and played guitar, where people would compliment me. There are so many levels of playing guitar, and honestly, whether someone is “good” or “better” is subjective. But when I was around 13, I felt like I played pretty well. And to someone who doesn’t play, seeing a kid play a riff or a song they recognize can be super impressive.
People would say things like, “Wow, you’re really good at guitar.” And I appreciated it, but I also knew what level I was at—I definitely wasn’t a professional. I noticed that people expect a “thank you” when they compliment you, but I didn’t always find it logical to thank someone for saying I’m good at something I thought was easy. After a while, it felt like someone saying, “Wow, you’re really good at walking.” And the other person just saying, “Thanks?”—mainly because it’s what you’re supposed to say.
I used to feel the same way when people told me happy birthday. I never really knew what to say. “Thanks” always felt a little weird. I wanted to just say, “Yeah… it is my birthday,” but that would’ve sounded off too. So I stuck with “thank you,” even though it never quite felt right.
When you get that kind of praise every time someone hears you play, it can start to feel repetitive. Not because you’re some expert who’s tired of praise—but because it just becomes annoying after a point. Especially when you're 13. Sometimes I’d say, “Yeah, it’s easy,” or “I know I’m good,” just to say something different. But then people would say, “Wow, that kid has an ego. He thinks he’s the best.”
But I didn’t think I was the best. I just didn’t want to keep repeating “thank you” over and over again. This kind of thing applies to a lot of situations. Because of that, I ended up with a reputation for being egotistical or self-absorbed. People thought I believed I was better than everyone at everything. And yeah, maybe from the outside, it looked that way. But I knew I wasn’t the best at what I did.
That reputation made me think more about how I looked in other people’s eyes. And I didn’t like what I saw. So I felt like I had to fall back in line with what was “normal.” But that image didn’t fade—especially in my family. They’d joke around, saying I only cared about myself or thought I was “all that.” Jokes, sure—but they stuck. And eventually I started thinking, “Okay… I guess that’s me now.”
So I tried to not be that.
It changed how I did things.
Instead of feeling proud about something I was good at, I’d act like I didn’t care.
I’d stop trying. Half-ass things. Fail on purpose just to seem “normal.”
Not because I thought I was better than anyone else—I just found certain things easier.
And I think everyone has something they’re naturally good at.
It’s like reverse psychology. You get good at something, get praised, and then get shamed for accepting it too naturally. So you learn to shrink yourself before anyone else can try.
This ties back into affirmations and declarations in a way.
In another part of that conversation, we talked about how when doubt is introduced, the power of those declarations weakens. It doesn’t hit the same when you’re thinking about failure, or about how others might judge you. That doubt softens everything.
So now I wonder: if I hadn’t cared what people said about me being egotistical—because I knew I wasn’t—would I have been a better guitar player? If I had just stayed true to how I saw myself, and let my actions speak as a quiet declaration of my ability and growth, would things have been different?
But I can look back and try to move forward with that in mind.
To do things with faith in what I know I can do—without doubt from other people’s opinions or past experiences.
To believe in my own capabilities and act like I believe it.
I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced anything like this or thought about it in a similar way, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. I always respond to comments.
