Diabooties

At a strip club called Diabooties, Joe Ghaven and Ethan Mills sit at a table about as far from the stage as one can get with the wall at their backs. Ethan is mostly obscured by shadows where he has a stripper named Fanny. She’s all cuddled up on his lap with her bikini top laying on the table so that Ethan can snort blow off one of her breasts. Joe Ghaven sits and quaffs a pitcher of beer like it were a single glass. Several empty pitchers already adorn the table.

Ethan sniffs loudly, moving from Fanny’s tits to kissing her along the neck. She moans in pleasure.

Joe Ghaven: Colossus has a mouthpiece doing all of his talking. The punk is named Whezl. Whezl and the Colossus. It sounds suspiciously like Ethan Mills and the Iron Bear. You’re even a weasel-like Whezl.

Ethan shudders as Fanny does a line of blow off of his neck.

Ethan Mills: I am wounded, Joe. Wounded! I am no weasel. Did I not get us here to...where are we again?

Joe Ghaven: Diabooties.

Ethan Mills: I know what club we’re in, ya fool. What city and state are we in?

Fanny: You’re in Canada. Mississauga, Ontario to be exact.

Ethan Mills: How far are we from Halifax, Nova Scotia?

Fanny frowns, thinking it through and counting on her fingers.

Fanny: About seventeen hours, give or take depending on traffic and such.

Ethan Mills: And if we don’t have a car?

Fanny: It’s about thirty hours by bus.

Joe Ghaven: You did save back bus fare this time?

Ethan is quiet as he contemplates Fanny’s breasts while having a firm hold of her ass with both hands.

Joe Ghaven: Ethan? Bus fare?

Ethan Mills reaches around Fanny to get a shot of whiskey that he downs with an “Aaaah”.

Ethan Mills: Well, seeing as NPW hasn’t paid us yet and we’re here using up the last of the money that we got in Texas...we have no bus fare. You might have to do that thing again.

Fanny: That thing?

Ethan Mills: You wouldn’t have an area of the city where women don’t go alone for the risk of being raped, do you?

Fanny: Well, yeah.

Ethan Mills: What would it take to get you to play bait in a dark alleyway so that Joe can mug the would-be rapists?

Fanny blinks at Ethan in silence for a moment. She had been asked to do an awful lot of things in her days as a stripper, but this was the most dangerous...and the most potentially exhilarating. Fanny looks over at the massive wall of muscle that Joe Ghaven is while licking her lips.

Fanny: I’ll do it if he can destroy me afterward.

Ethan cocks. his head while looking at her. At least he does until the dots get connected and he lights up with a twisted little grin.

Ethan Mills: You want him to fuck you? I mean yeah sure. You in Joe?

Joe Ghaven sighs, drinking the last of his latest pitcher of beer, and signals to the waitress for another round of drinks.

Joe Ghaven: I don’t like this plan. We could always call Gus to see if he can forward us some funds to arrange transport.

Ethan Mills: We make money, you practice for your match, and you get laid. What could go wrong?

Joe Ghaven: Someone could have a gun?

Ethan Mills: Canadians don’t use guns! I mean, they are a polite lot. Hell, they’ll probably rape girls and apologize for the indiscretion at the same time.

Joe Ghaven: Fine, but this is the last time. I’m no vigilante.

Ethan Mills: Great. Now, honey, I gotta handle some business. Come see me when the place closes and we’ll get to work.

Fanny nods, putting her top back on, and heads for another table. Ethan looks to the camera with a smile.

Ethan Mills: Whezl, Whezl, Whezl. All this talk of my client not doing much in the company since he was hired on. You act like that’s his fault and not Gus Arnold’s fault. You see. We have been waiting to get booked and having to kinda make money in different ways to get around and live since Gus Arnold doesn’t always think that the wrestlers in his little company will survive many conflicts with my Iron Bear.

You say he’s rusted. We’ve been pulling the Robin Hood act for a while now. Or is it a reverse Robin Hood act since the people we rob are usually pretty poor? Except for that one time when we found a bank robber before the cops. That was some fun fucking time right there.

What it boils down to is that my giant is better than your giant. Sure, you run some people out of the company. Do you know how you run people out of the company from when you defeated them? You were booked by Gus Arnold in the first fucking place. Now that Gus has figured out that Joe is ready to destroy somebody, he’s decided to book my man again. All I can say is that it’s about fucking time. I mean, he’s going to lose some people when Joe crushes some people, but he’ll get a few more bodies coming into the ring that want to test their strength against the Iron Bear.

Hell, my main man, Joe, and the returning Gordon Carlson are owed an XHF Tag Team title shot. Maybe we cash in on that shit and rule this fucking roost with an iron hand or the iron bear. Simple, right?

So, take whatever you were thinking was going to happen and understand what’s going to happen. The Iron Bear is going to rule the ring against your Colossus. When he’s finished with your man, he’ll be more like the Frog Traveller than the Colossus.

Heh, going from the largest statue in the world to the smallest. It’s fucking funny.