Talking to my younger self is really going to be relieving, because she bottled up a lot of pains, secrets , carried emotional burdens that no one could see, she tried so much to not be the subject matter , not to be the bad child and not to be the reason her mom act out of character to protect her.
I have a lot to tell my younger self, but first I would tell her I changed her career path, because she always wanted to be a Barrister.
Growing up low self esteem dealt me so much and took the best of me , I felt I was flawed and it gave room to alot of pains, I was a lonely child , in the midst of many siblings, just a girl in her own world and imagination.
Deep down, I knew I was loved among my siblings and parents, but I preferred to stay isolated and indoor, because I felt protected staying indoors.
I spent most of my time playing alone, not because I didn't have friends or neighbors , but because I felt I wasn't enough or good enough to be among others, and each time I try to associate , I found it difficult to feel among, my mom will always encourage me to associate, but it was difficult, she thought I choose to be quiet, but never knew the pains and secret that made me hide myself.
If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her, she's is more outspoken now, she would have felt safe to share her fears, threats and experience with her parents, because they loved and cherished her more than she knew, I would have told someone older why I felt unsafe and more protective of myself as a child at all time, why I felt staying indoors or on my own was my safest space.
I wouldn't have beared the burden of protecting the relationship my parents had with some family members and neighbors, because they would have choose me over them.
If I could talk to my younger self , I did tell her to speak up, when she was being suppressed and insecure and also tell her she finally overcame all her fears, she grew bold and stronger than she could ever imagine when she was a girl , she overcame low self esteem and timidity and also loved herself greatly and now she encourages younger girls to love themselves, have a high esteem, speak up to their parents, guidance and teachers, not to trust anyone, not even relatives, report any suspicious move and not get scared of anyone but fight back because we live in a society that is a threat to female kids.
I would also tell her I love her, she fought alone and protected herself, was sensitive enough to know when to hide, avoid and set boundaries at all time.
Thanks for reading ♥️
Vanilla 💗
