When one starts to scrutinise their actions and attitudes, and to take responsibility for them, most processes and developments come naturally, if with time. If we constantly excuse it, assign it to others, and other things, and we do not do what we can do, we will get nowhere, and continue to dig ourselves a mental hole. You must remind yourself, and actively reason, why exactly it is not easier or more comfortable for you to stay as you are. It is only comfortable if one represses, if one ignores, and if one dismisses the misery of it. Even the fact that it is qualitatively inferior is enough. If you truly are happy as you are, would you not be happier if you were self-assured, less confused, more honest to self, etc.?
One of the biggest things you can do is start to acknowledge that even your mistakes are things you wanted to do, but now you know that your judgement or reasoning was impaired, and do not want to repeat it. Not that you did not want to do it. Etc.
A lot of our inability to understand self comes from delusion, denial, outwards blame, etc.
One good example is this: would you rather live your entire life with a partner who loves the false image of you, who would never love the real you, or even like you, spending every moment in self-deceit, manipulating another person, and in a pseudo-connection, or would you rather be yourself and be alone?
Often when we do not acknowledge what it is that we are actually doing, we can feel comfortable with it. But lying to others, deceiving them, behaving according to social pressure, so on and so forth, it is manipulation. Literally.
You are removing someone's ability to have informed consent with you in most of their actions and so on.
If you happen to be someone who is self interested, all the power to you, but you could be more efficient either way, kinder, or even more vicious.
