Hello, happy day.
Today, Sunday, a day of rest. The electric service failed once again, it is something that does not give me happiness, I do not know if it is sadness, maybe it is like the share of frustration and discomfort that I have to live to balance my path in life. It is a concept that gives me peace of mind, it was like finding an explanation to the streak of misfortunes that sometimes happen unexpectedly.
I took this precept from the book “The Cloud Atlas” when the Goddess Sonmi 451 says: “For every act of evil and goodness that we commit, we light our way to the future”.
Lesson learned, I always remember this phrase whenever my tongue is uninhibited and I want to prejudge out loud.
It is not easy to express it, they are like classified documents, apocryphal gospels, it is difficult to access those memories and emotions, it is a dark and messy room, I never felt interest to open those windows and tidy the drawers, I think it will be a conversation with my therapist at my next appointment.
In the past I felt sadness for the bullying I suffered at school, being a child with iridescent swan feathers with gold sparkles and sequins. It was a sadness in silence, since the culture of the men I knew was to settle outstanding scores with blows and thus gain respect. I was fragile, vain and mathematical, in those fights I always felt at a disadvantage, so I tolerated rudeness to avoid blows.
That chapter in my life left traces, I still hear cases of bullying in contemporary schools with fatal outcomes and it makes me sad and helpless, fortunately I was one of the strong minds and I repeated to myself several times “I can handle this” and so it was, with time I discovered the black swan inside me.
So much that they repeat that we are a country rich in minerals and that the practice of witchcraft has plunged Venezuela into darkness. The phrases: “Nobody knows what they have until they lose it”, “We were happy and did not know it”. The proliferation of anonymous judges in social networks with their language of hate and xenophobia, the bombardment of false news, the power in the hands of a people with a thirst for revenge.
Everything is an atmosphere of intermittent hopelessness, it is thought and not said, but the map of gestures does not lie. Prayer, fasting, knee on the floor, 25 years of socialism, 25 years with the discourse that everything is the fault of imperialism and its macabre economic blockade.
I know that we all have the strength to change our destiny, that I can take a suitcase and cross the ocean, but there is always that badly healed wound, those people you love who stayed in the streets where you grew up, struggling day by day to make ends meet.
I don't like to talk about the generational curse, my mother is an evangelist Christian and does not allow the word “curse” to be uttered within her home, there is even a popular song that says “Go lightly through the damn spring” and in karaoke sessions you have to change the lyrics to “blessed spring”.
My siblings have wounds between them, communication is difficult, bad energies have been absorbed by some of my nephews, to the point of being face to face and treating their own blood as unknown people.
I believe in reconciliation, there is a voice inside me that tells me that these differences can be healed, but at the present moment, pride has won all the battles.
In closing, I am an optimistic and also vulnerable man, I like to give a positive image of myself to the world, but I understand that there are obstacles to overcome in order to learn lessons and move up the path of wisdom.
Thank you.
Translated with DeepL.com
