A hollow titter escapes his mouth, joining the hearty guffaws and chuckles. A little smile appears on his lips challenging and contesting the big grins. The tiny brown eyes crinkle at the corners; unlit, blank. He is fine.
Living in today's world. Words have lost their value, their significance, their meaning. There is no anticipation before using a word for the first time, no fear of using it carelessly or incorrectly, no reflection on the effect that it might cause.
Depression is one of those words.
Depression is not walking around with a noose around your neck, feeling it slowly draining the life out of you, feeling the air catch in your throat as you struggle to breathe, it's laughing with your friends yet feeling no happiness. It's hugging your mother, feeling her warmth seep through your skin and then stop before your heart. Barricaded from entering, blocked from passing through.
It's not being hyper sensitive, on the contrary, it's being numb. You feel your emotions slipping away, like a cascade of falling cards, scattering over the floor but you can't pick them up. You become irritable and angry to fight the numbness, to find a way out.
You don't become an emotional wreck, unable to perform daily, mundane tasks. Your work continues, your life goes on but the sick, hollow feeling inside stays constant. A feeling; indescribable, inexpressible. Like falling in a never ending abyss, attempting to claw your way out, surrounded by darkness, searching for solace.
It's waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, worrying about a future you don't want to have.
