A few days ago I saw someone sitting outside my supermarket holding a sign asking for money. It was freezing cold outside, and I felt compassion for the guy. I read his sign and it said he was from Hungary, and for various reasons our social security wouldn't help him so he had nothing. He didn't force himself on the passers-by, he just patiently waited outside the door and thanked the people who gave him some spare change. I decided to give him some money and went on with my day.
Of course this wasn't the first time I saw a beggar on the streets or in my neighborhood, and of course I'm not the holy saint that gives every beggar I see the full amount of money that's in my wallet. I have to admit that I probably only give money to beggars a good 10% of the time. But why is that? I wouldn't miss the two euro's I would give them, and they probably could use it more than me. So why do I act so selfish the other 90% of the time?
I guess a lot has to do with perception. The great majority of people, including me, thinks that it's completely useless to give these people money. Their situation won't change because of the tiny amount I would gift them. They wouldn't suddenly find a place to stay at night or find a shower to freshen up a bit. They wouldn't miraculously find a job the next day. They became victim of a structural problem in the way society treats the unfortunate. And because we can't quickly help them out of their misery, we rather have nothing to do with it. It's how our minds work. Our thoughts are very selfish at core. We help ourselves and the people we care about, and those we don't know firstly have prove themselves worthy of our aid, time and money.
So why did I choose to give this man some of my money? Compassion is a good first reason. I related to him being so humble and patient. I found it touching to see him almost surrendering to his position in society. Standing in the freezing cold, letting faith rest in the hands of those who pass him by. Those who he's fully aware of that they'll sleep in a warm bed at night and they're about to spend maybe 5 times the money at the mall that he'll collect in five hours standing in the freezing cold. But he didn't complain. he didn't force himself on the costumers. And when I gave him money, he even found the strength and decency to thank me... He shouldn't thank me for that money in my opinion. I would understand if he didn't thank me. But he did.
Another reason people don't donate money to beggars is because of the many prejudices our societies have about these people: "Why should I give them money? They'll only use it to buy cigarettes, drugs or alcohol. That's not how I want my money spent" or "If I give something to people begging on the street, it's food or something to drink. That way I know they won't spend my money on other things". These are the sentences I hear over and over again, and while they're meant in a caring, positive way, I really don't like them at all.
Let me ask you this: isn't it a bit arrogant to tell people what they should do with their money? Let's put ourselves in their place. If you had been standing in the freezing cold for five hours begging for money, what would you need? Would you be a responsible citizen and buy yourself food and a warm drink to get through the evening? Or would you rather buy a few beers, get completely drunk and forget about life for a while? Would you rather be healthy and completely miserable or would you want those 30 minutes of numbness and perhaps feel (maybe a very little) happy? I probably would choose for the latter. Because let's think about the healthy way: what's in it for these people? Why would you value health when your life is a complete and utter mess? Why would you care about health when you have nothing to be healthy for? If you have nothing in your future? Wouldn't you choose the short-term happiness above long-term misery?
I do want to point out that I don't necessarily agree with people who grab for drugs, alcohol and other substances to deal with their situation of pain and misery. I agree that this isn't the right way to solve your problems, but that doesn't mean I can show empathy for those who do. If I were in their position I probably wouldn't be the model-citizen people want me to be. Even more: I would get extremely frustrated by all the "good people" who I always have to give an explanation or promise not to abuse their money before they want to help me. It would destroy my self-worth even more, in a position where it's probably already at an all-time low.
Why do you give money to people on the street? What do you expect from these people? Do you want them to get their life in order with your money, or do you want them to have a moment of quiet, peace and happiness in their extreme difficult situation? I don't want to say to them how they spend that money. That's not for me to decide.
Thanks for reading. If you have thoughts about this topic, feel free to share them in the comment section below!
