“Wow, I wish I had it as together as she did”
“Look how well behaved her children are”
“Wish I could do all the awesome things she does while she is home with her children”
How many times as a mom do we think these thoughts or questions like this. We are constantly trying to be like the other mom. The one that feeds their children all organic food, or the one that cloth diapers, or the one that makes their children’s clothes or crafts all the time. We spend all day trying to be that mom that we are not focusing on the kids we have and the needs that need to be fulfilled in them.
Recently I asked a question on a Facebook group that I was on about how to wean my 2 year old off her bottle. She had to eat out of a bottle a little longer than normal due to a medical condition and we are really ready to get that part of her life over. Some of the comments that were left were very condescending, very rude and all out shaming of me as a mom. “you mean you don’t have her off the bottle already?” “How can you do this to her she should have been off the bottle at 18 months” “Good luck” was what one wrote “if you haven’t done it by now it is going to take your FOREVER to get it done”. I felt bad enough, I went to a group of moms in hopes to get some support, in hopes to have a mom say “you know I had this problem too, and this is how we handled it…” To me it is sad that we as mothers (no matter what our backgrounds are, no matter what we have decided to feed our children or diaper our children in) we cannot be supportive of each other. We need to get past our own walls and our own thoughts on what each mom should be doing (because what you do for your kids may not work for someone else kids, because as it is always said, every kid is different).
So I felt sad, I felt like I had failed, I felt like all these moms were looking at me and scolding me for allowing my two year old to still have a bottle. Then it happened. I fell into a pit. Suddenly trying every new fan dangled thing to try and be like all these other moms. Maybe if I do this then it will work or maybe if I do that it will work. And the more and more I tried to be like these other moms the more and more sad I got. I wasn’t finding joy in the journey of parenthood anymore. I was instead trying to find a way to be accepted by other moms and trying to do what they were doing in hopes that I wouldn’t be judged or in hopes that I would be looked at with approval. Then the light bulb came on. I am mom. The pure definition of mom is a woman exercising control, influence, or authority. Now control, influence and authority look different to each of us as moms so why should we try to make an across the board of what they should be. We shouldn’t, God did not create us to be robots, He did not say “Thou shall only feed your child a certain type of food”. God created us to be mom. That is it. Not that mom over there….or this mom over here. He created you to be this mom that you are right now. Maybe you got out of bed and your feet hit the floor and you were wondering if you were going to make it through the day? Then the end of the day comes, you put your precious children to bed and lay you head down feeling like you accomplished something.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy…this is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. When you compare and constantly compare you can feel yourself getting sadder. You don’t have the money to take your family on that vacation, or you don’t have the energy to do this certain activity with your kids. Well you know what, that is okay. Get up and do something anything with your kids because that is all they want. They don’t need anything extravagant…they just need YOU!! In all your glory, in all your love and in all your strength. BE THERE, DO SOMETHING, HAVE FUN!!
So moms…stop the comparison game. If we all stopped this so many of us would be so happy. We would enjoy every moment of the mom journey we would be that mom that everyone would be looking at asking “How does she do it?” and you can share this joy with others. Just tell them to stop comparing as it will steal your joy everyday. And without joy what do you have to give to your children?
–Beth
