In our everyday lives we faces challenges, success, failure, happiness and disappointment at some point. We sometimes miss opportunities because we talk ourselves out of doing something or into doing something stupid. it can be something small to something big. These things all start from the inner conversation we have with ourselves.
Have you ever made a plan to meet with someone that seemed like a good idea at first, but as you creeped closer to the day, you start to dread it...You are there wishing for something to come up (EVEN WORK) to try to get out of the plan? Then you go out and end up having an amazing time.
This is just a very simple example about the way majority of us in the world have been programmed to first see the bad in everything before even experiencing it. This is the same with adult and kids. We always have something in the back of our minds to say "it is too good to be true" we start making ourselves find fault in the "good" thing. whether you think you met the "perfect" person or you did really well in an interview/test or even staying in a situation that we know is unhealthy for us. Maybe it is work, relationships, money and etc. We have these little silent conversations with ourselves that says "This woman is amazing! but no it is impossible that she is this amazing....what is she hiding? what game is she playing?" or for coming out from an exam you heard the correct answer to ONE question of the exam you got wrong and you are sitting there hyperventilating and just thinking "What else did I get wrong? OH NO I am going to Fail!!!!!"
The fear of being wrong/ in the unknown/ taking a chance/being imperfect makes us go haywire and we are constantly putting ourselves down for it. Fear is a natural thing that occurs to keep us alive, however, now it is something we put into ourselves to let all the dreams and ideas die because we tell ourselves to STOP KIDDING OURSELVES. That is horrible!!! And for a lot of us we develop this just from hearing the words 'No', ' You can't do that', 'don't be silly' and etc.
Best example is ME:
I am the one in the middle.
Growing up I wanted to be a lot of different things and I just gave up. And a lot of if had to do with my mom saying 'no'...I love my mom with all my heart but i hated her at the time she is someone who was living from what she know from her time. Her generation. Her experiences.
I have listed a few examples:
#1 Cop
me: Mom I want to be a cop!! I want to hunt for bad guys!
mom: No! You can't be a cop!!! If you put a criminal behind bars and when he comes out he will hunt you down and kill you!
2# Fire Fighter
me: I want to be a fire fighter! I can use the cool equipment and save people! it is exciting!
mom: you will die! Do you know how dangerous it is??!?!! No!
3# Dancer
I danced a lot through my childhood and I LOVED IT!
me: when I grow up I want to be a dancer! like the people on the music videos and work with famous people!
mom: You will never make any money, and the chances of you becoming famous enough to work with famous people are impossible.
then funnily enough #4 Graphics designer
on top of dancing I loved to draw and create things.
me: i want to be a designer! I love drawing!
mom: You will never make any money, it is an unstable lifestyle. You won't make any money from it. <---my dad said the same thing.
So then on to all the other things i started to tell myself nahhhh. It's not going to happen, what are the chances, I can't do that. It took me years to get out of it. and how? by meeting PS CS3 my mom bought me a camera and I started really loving to edit and manipulate the photos I took...then one day i went to China to my dads company and turned out i was a lot of help. Then my parents looked back on what they said and saw that they were wrong. People need to fight that inner voice they have developed to break free. PROVE PEOPLE WRONG. Baby step it, it could be as a hobby like what i did with designing and playing around with photoshop whenever i have a free minute.
We all need to develop a more positive way of communicating to ourselves and to others. Through our words, whether you think it affect people or yourself or not, it does. Think about it this way, when I teach my students in Aerial Yoga class and that student just can't get the pose right...Which one would make the student feel better? "You are doing it all wrong. Do it this way" or "You can try it this way" These simple words makes a student feel like there is still a chance that they can achieve what they CURRENTLY cannot.
This wasn't one of my students, she was in my boss' class and I was helping out
She was struggling to lift her back up at time after time, but I and other students and the teacher were giving her support "tense your glutes more, you can do it", "You are almost there", "Just need to lift your chest a little bit more, you got it." and at the end she pushed herself more and was able to lift herself the the best that she could.
If we were all there just saying "Don't worry about it, it's not for everyone.", "Just lift your chest, it is simple, just lift it" I am 100% sure she would have given up quickly. I am pretty sure inside her head she was already thinking "what did I get myself into?! Why am I here putting myself through this? I can't do it! I am so weak, i can't" But because people were saying that she could she started believing in herself. Her inner conversation changed.
Now, when I say positive language...I don't mean that you always have to communicate like everything in the world are ponies, rainbows and butterflies. SELECT your words you use wisely. ESPECIALLY when one is emotional. Think about how many of you have been or have heard when couples are fighting and the first thing they do is just go for the (metaphoric) knife and say some nasty s***. Where skinning the opponent alive is their number 1 goal....sidetracked. Being bombarded by nasty insults in an argument again and again, it is a struggle to try to find a better way to say things and it is way easier to fight back with the same tactic. you can shout and show that you are unhappy but make sure you are using the right language, that what you are doing is making a change for the better...not worse.
Words are more powerful than people think on a daily basis. We use it everyday but put very little effort into the words we choose to use. We has humans read so much into the words we hear and see but we think nothing the things we say. If you care about how things are said/written to you then you should also but the same amount focus on how you communicate with others as well.
it's like that old saying
"If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all..."
