Life is all about learning. Everyday presents new opportunities for us, but it all depends on whether or not we are actually open to learn. It's pretty normal to shut ourselves off to these opportunities, as the experience can be quite challenging and sometimes very painful. But then again, that is when we learn some of our greatest lessons, growth is not always easy! But it is essential.
We tend to get triggered by things that are unresolved and we can continue to follow certain patterns as a way to protect ourselves. But in the end it is just prolonging our suffering. Easier said than done of course.
I have been dealing with someone recently, who really triggers me. Triggers feelings of insecurity (emotional and physically) of hopelessness. They are very confrontational and I always feel like I have to defend myself, which results in me getting more and more upset and then other person, feeling more and more entitled and empowered.
I found it so hard to walk away, instead allowing that person to just wind me up!
There are clear issues here, with that person not respecting my boundaries, but also with me not feeling empowered enough to enforce them. I feel as though they set this trap for me and I always just walk into it!
It got to the point where I made the decision to look for some guidance on how to deal with this, as I was clearly struggling to do so on my own. I can be very head strong and I believe that we all possess an enormous amount of strength within, but I also needed to let go of that expectation of myself and actually allow another person to help me on my healing journey!
This head strong and stubborn nature, is what helped me navigate my way through life and played a huge part in shaping who I am today, but it also held me back!
I am the first person to offer help or assistance to others and yet I have always struggled to accept any offer for myself. Believing perhaps, that I needed to keep proving to myself that I am strong enough to go it alone. This from the person who keeps on promoting the importance of community, about time I took my own advice really.
And just as I decided to finally open myself up to some guidance, two opportunities came my way all in the space of one week!
Both of which, were very emotional and called on me to reconnect with my childhood and the trauma I had experienced there. Something I have been carrying around for a long time. The actually healing was not difficult, what was difficult was the length of time that I carried it with me and the way in which it had been affecting my life.
But now I have finally begun to put that behind me, after I learnt to really honour that part of my life, to fully accept what happened and also acknowledge that I was not the only one that was suffering.
It's amazing how so much of what we need to learn, takes us back to our childhood. How all those destructive patterns originated from there, it really shows us how important it is to treat our children with respect and understanding and how it is our childhood that really shapes the way in which we interact with others.
How has this changed me, well it has been a very empowering experience. I have found the strength within, to just walk away and not engage with this person, to not let them take any of my energy, my power. This person will be in my life for a while yet, so it was really important for me to find a way in which to be around them and yet stand in my power!
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