One word
raw,
breaking point
weak,
falling to pieces
hopeless,
constant struggle
drowning,
off center
overwhelmed,
finding my voice
screaming,
opening channels
tears,
powerful waves
sinking,
downward spiral
defeat,
heavy heart
failure,
split open
grief,
rock bottom
fear,
no choice
surrender.
Today I shared from my heart and a lot of pain came out. So much honesty, that I surprised myself, allowing myself to be so vulnerable. Especially since, I have felt so insecure these past few weeks. Crazy things that have been happening. The latest, when someone very agitated appeared on the land I live on, demanding that I call the police and ambulance, as she had had enough and wanted to just lie down and die.
It was pretty intense and I really wasn't sure what to do, at first. Life sure has been challenging of late, it has felt like a constant struggle. Things have been building up and today they all came to a head. Just as I sat in a circle with my friends. As I sat and listened to each one, I had convinced myself that when it came to my turn, I would just say that I was tired, overwhelmed and leave it at that.
But when the time came, the flood gates opened and everything I have been feeling just poured right out. Everything I was scared to say, everything that I was holding onto. Everything I had buried and with those words, came an cascade of tears.
Raw unfiltered emotions and I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop them all flowing out. The weight had just got too much. My shoulders heavy for far two long, the weight of my burdens, sinking me further, into my own despair. The eyes of my friends, my sisters, on me, as I bared my soul. As I allowed myself, to be at my most vulnerable.
All words and images are mine.