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I am struggling against the greatest force that I have faced...
Misplaced anger and a lack of faith.
In this case my ire is turned within...
Pitted against my very nature and my make-believe sins.
I shed light on my fears by projecting them others.
Yet, the tears of my lover cause my heart to shudder at the most inoppertune moments.
I twitch,
And it rips
The stitches that hold and bind
The insanity that
Threatens to undermine.
I forget to think
I flail to find
Some reason to believe that this female is mine.
I must be evil to commit such a crime
I mean, how could another human being be mine?
I dont mean to whine, but it does hurt to think that
She
Might not
Like me.
Of course, i dont really like myself
And seeing as how I cant be anyone else...
I am constantly resigned to giving less than my best.
The guilt of this leaves me finding
No rest.
I plunge the blade of this self-righteous sword
So deeply into my core that I do not think that I can take any more;
But
I do.
So my mind is made lame by the shame Contained within my brain being so deranged That it can no longer convince itself of...
Anything.
My body is rusting away
By means of a decay so terrible that
It could
Only
Have come from
Within.
I hate myself
For being so harsh and unrelenting.
I hate myself
For being so God Damned unforgiving.
But mostly
I hate myself
For giving all that I am.
Getting nothing in return except a soul
Self-spurned
Completely burned
By a hatred aimed a target
That I have not yet
Discerned.
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