Honestly, I could barely finish reading your post. So much pain, so many things left unsaid, so many dreams that will never come true. I went through a similar experience back in 2011, when my mother passed away, also because of colon cancer. I felt like screaming, and at the same time, I wanted to stay silent so that no one would see my pain, my suffering. And even though the years have passed, I still feel an immense emptiness in my heart.
You don’t really have many options but to stay strong for your son and keep moving forward, but never forget the mother of your child — she will always be unique.