I'm not a mother in law yet, but sometimes I just sit and imagine what kind of person I would be when that time comes, and one thing I always tell myself is this… I really want to be that calm and collected mother in law, not the type people are always scared of, because the way some mother-in-laws are painted in stories and real life, ehn… it is like once your child gets married, you turn into one strict inspector that is always looking for what is wrong, no I don’t want that kind of life abeg.
I see myself as someone who is very understanding, Like, I have lived life, I have made mistakes, I have learned my lessons, so why would I now make life harder for another person that is just trying to build something with my child? It doesn’t make sense to me, i want to be that helpful woman, not in a controlling way, but in a supportive way, The kind of mother in law you can actually talk to without feeling like you are walking on eggshells, If my child’s partner is confused about something, or even needs advice, I want them to feel free enough to come to me.
Not the type that will now twist everything or start using it against them later, Another thing is respect, I feel like a lot of issues between in laws come from lack of boundaries , I would always remind myself that my child has their own family now and Yes, I’m still important, but I am not the center of their decisions anymore, There has to be that balance, I don’t want to be that person that is always interfering in their matters, trying to control how they run their home or how they do things If they ask me for advice, fine. I will give it. But if they don’t, I will respect that toobecause at the end of the day, it’s their life.
Also, I see myself as someone that sees life from a broader perspective, Like, I understand that people are different, The way I grew up might not be the same way my child’s partner grew up, their habits, their thinking, their way of doing things might not match mine, and that’s okay, it doesn’t automatically make them wrong, So instead of judging or comparing, I want to learn to accept, Of course, not everything will be perfect, but that’s life, Nobody is perfect.
And I think one very important thing for me is peace. I really value peace of mind, so I wouldn’t want to be the reason there’s tension in my child’s home, i would rather be someone that brings calmness, someone that people are happy to see, not someone that makes everybody uncomfortable.
But let me not even lie, I know it’s one thing to imagine and another thing to actually be in that position, Life can test you in ways you didn’t expect, so I just hope that when that time comes, I will remember all these things I’m saying now, because truly, I just want to be a good woman, a kind mother in law, and someone that makes family feel like a safe place, not a battlefield.
