I was at a restaurant with a friend of mine and we had been waiting for our order to arrive for almost 20 minutes now. I could see him growing frustratingly impatient with every passing moment. At last, he stood up and proposed that we go somewhere else to eat, with that irritated look on his face. I refused because I thought his proposal was irrational. The time it would’ve taken for us to go to another place, order a new meal and wait until it arrives would definitely have been more than we spent waiting where we were right then.
What was it then, that convinced him to make such an irrational decision without measuring its pros and cons? Why couldn’t he think the way I was thinking? Probably because he was impatient and I wasn’t.
We all experience moments like these from time to time, moments like waiting in a queue at a bank with dozens of people in front of us, or when a little girl is cutting the cake at her birthday party but can’t open the presents yet, or more commonly when we’re expecting a reply from someone on WhatsApp but they haven’t even seen our text message yet. In all of these situations, most of us will lose our cool and our impatience might lead us into making the wrong decisions – like the decision my friend was about to make. In fact, our impatience can very easily lead us into making much bigger irrational choices relating to our career and relationships etc.
Thus, understanding impatience a little better might save us from making such irrational decisions and choices by recognizing them before it is too late.
According to Oxford Dictionaries, ‘Impatient’ means;
Having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked
Restlessly eager
This definition does reflect some of what my friend was feeling in that restaurant. He was very irritated/provoked and he was definitely eager for both, to get the meal or alternatively to leave the restaurant. However, this definition does not explain why we become impatient and what are we expected to do once we become impatient.
In his book Wise Choices, Apt Feelings, Allan Gibbard proposed an approach in order to understand emotions. In the adaptive syndromes approach, we answer the following four questions – apart from how an emotion feels;
In what conditions does it arise?
What triggers it?
What actions does it motivate?
From an evolutionary point of view, why do we have it in the first place?
We can understand impatience a lot better by examining it through the adaptive syndromes approach.
First of all, it should be noted that considering impatience as secondary to patience is totally wrong. What it means is that impatience is not a lack of patience, instead, patience is the lack of impatience. It’s either that a person who’s patient simply wasn’t triggered while others would’ve been, or he found a way to overcome his impatience.
Secondly, impatience can arise under the conditions where;
Moreover, we are more likely to become impatient when we have a lot of choices in front of us. For instance, if we have a lot of other restaurants in the area where we can go.
Under these conditions, impatience can arise if it is triggered. The question is what are the triggers that arise impatience under these conditions?
Impatience is triggered under these conditions when we realize that;
For instance, my friend got triggered because he realized that it’s taking more time than he expected to get that meal.
The feeling of impatience motivates us to;
For instance, my friend wanted to avoid the extra cost of time and for that, he proposed to go to another place. Obviously, he was wrong and his idea to avoid the extra cost of time could’ve lead us to waste even more time. This brings us to our next question – if impatience is that bad, why do we have it in the first place?
Our need to get things done as soon as possible is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history. The more our ancestors waited to eat (or waited for the fruits to grow every season), the more they starved. It motivated them to make other decisions like hunting and growing their own food.
Throughout most of our history, human beings have associated patience with pain. This has embedded the need for immediate gratification in our basic biology.
Modern trends in technology have also reinforced our impatience to a great degree. In the present age, it’s all about eating ‘fast-food’, getting things done with ‘one click’ and having everything right at the ‘tip of our fingers’. Moreover, we are living in an era with endless opportunities and choices, and as stated earlier, with more choices comes less patience.
When we become impatient, the activity of our Prefrontal Cortex (which controls executive thinking and decision making) decreases and the activity of Amygdala (which controls our emotions) increases. You can see how this might lead us into making irrational decisions when we feel impatient, just like my friend did.
Moreover, research has shown that our body sends more impulses to the brain during intense emotions consequently distorting our sense of time. This might be the reason that ten minutes will feel like half an hour when we are in the waiting line, frustrated and annoyed. This becomes a vicious cycle – the more we get annoyed, the slower time will pass, and consequently, we’ll get more annoyed.
The next time you feel like you’re getting too impatient, try to think;
Once you understand how your mind works under such situations, you’ll be less likely to fall into the trap of fallacious reasoning. You will be able to efficiently avoid the extra costs or, if needed, come to terms with the situation as it is.
