This post is in response to ericvancewalton's post
I was born into a family of christians, my parents were Anglican faithfuls and so were my grandparents on both sides. So it stands to reason that I would naturally follow in their footsteps....er... more like a family tradition. Yet, despite the familial expectations, I found myself grappling with doubts and a lack of genuine conviction to embrace Christianity in its entirety. An occasional church-goer okay, but not like that type of staunched-Faith Christianity...nah....it didn't appeal to me.
The Reverend in my church when I was growing up, a supposed figure of authority made it all the more difficult for me. He was a sneaky Old man whose sneaking ways involved the inappropriate advances towards young girls and many had complained of harassments, but every member of the congregation looked the other way simply because 'His Venerable' denied all allegations levelled against him, as malicious and slanderous. It was disheartening for me to see the 'blind' congregation hold him in 'venerable esteem', someone who was far beyond the standards he preached from the pulpit.
Then I had a problem with the way the members behaved, a lot of them were not good people and yet every Sunday, I witnessed another charade as they put on their cloak of piety, a very offensive outward display which was a stark contrast of who they really were.
So it was that during every Church Service, I would position myself at the back, observing the congregation with a critical eye. I never paid attention to 'The Venerable', who was on the pulpit, preaching what I don't know, nor the choir Mistress, who engaged in extramarital affairs or that usher over there who treated Mabel, her maid, as the scum of the earth.
I couldn't help but feel a sense of disillusionment, 'Who was fooling Who in this whole scenario?. I shook my head a thousand times as I questioned the gap between professed belief and lived reality.
'Most of them fell short of God's Glory'. So I sat over them as judge and jury (and an executioner....😊).
But in my second year in the University, my perspective changed drastically. One of my classmates had bought a car and I had tagged along with two others, to a local pub to celebrate. We had had so much to drink and were tipsy, no actually drunk. When the new car owner sat at the steering, somewhere in my foggy mind, I heard Dad say;
"No! You don't drive when you are drunk". I tried to dissuade him from riding back to the hostel in that drunken state. In anger, he drove off leaving me behind, in a pub, in the middle of the night, and with no dime in my pocket.
They didn't let me sleep inside the pub but out of sympathy, offered me one of the security rooms to sleep in, with mosquitoes as companions.
The next morning, the nightmare began, a car had rammed into a heavy duty vehicle with all the three occupants pronounced dead before arrival.
A second period of a wave of intense grief washed over me. Everyone saw me as a miracle but that didn't ameliorate the pain and agony of loosing three friends at a go.
When the mourning period was over, I knew that my being alive was not just sheer luck but a premeditated action.... Could it be God whom I have scorned almost all my life? Could He have saved me for a purpose? But I was the worst sinner, why me?
I was just being my brash and blunt self when the Potter came calling. I handed myself over willingly, I didn't want to fight any more, He is where I belong as I felt a sense of immense relief, this is the right path for me. He is molding me into a vessel of honour, an on-going and gradual process.
I understood that Man's standard would always fall short of God's and it was one's personal choice to aspire to that standard, by His Grace.
A Christian cannot count on finding a role model, inside or outside the church, there's already one;
Looking unto Jesus, The Author And The Finisher of our Faith.
He is the only role model we would ever need as christians.
My Faith journey has been one of gratitude to God, for life, for everything. It is a journey of total dependence on Him because I know that there are many sharp curves and steepy hills, some outright fearful situations, but I trust God to be my guide always.
I am so relaxed knowing that I am threading the right path.
Thank you for the challenge.
