I'm not happy or neutral all the time, nor am I upset, I say upset because I tend to be a lot of times "I hope I don't get ulcers" xd, I don't usually get depressed about many things, but when I do the reasons are strong.
I like to play Avakin a lot and here is my second life, basically here I show part of how I am, I reflect myself very well, but sometimes I fail myself, sometimes I don't manage to reflect exactly how I want and it's because I'm not always in the optimal mental state, well this happens to everyone at some point or another, but this doesn't make us stop playing, it simply makes us slow down in the way we are. For my part, it's not usually noticed much when I'm bad, I mean, I think that nobody in the game should be concerned about that, it seems to me a way to get attention, but I keep all this to myself and here I come to reflect it in a more deliberate way "in hive".
What makes me feel bad? It's not one thing in particular, it's the combination of many things at once, when something attacks me, many do it also to take advantage of the opportunity to feel worse thinking thousands of things in sequence. Currently I'm a little depressed by the fact that I've fallen in love again in this game, the idea of feeling like a person from a distance seems a little ridiculous to me, but well that's how it happens. Some would call love from a distance silly, "it's not real", mmm well it is under its own rules. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like those guys who get super upset when these things happen, I'm not obsessive about the subject, in part when I like someone from a distance I handle everything in a very normal and calm way, but I have a defect, it's hard for me to get away from people.
Despite being something from a distance, when this ends a part of me is lost. Spending time talking to a person is nice and when this stops being like this, it's somewhat unfortunate to start over, usually I don't start over quickly, it takes me a long time to restore myself, but well that's how things are. The other thing that really bothers me and that has attacked me along with this, is the fact that I am going through difficult times in my personal life, "outside of love things" this has me totally worse. That's why I say, when I play I don't show these things and I usually act a little normal, but on the outside nothing is what it seems, maybe many live shitty situations and go to play to distract themselves from those problems "just like I do." My life right now is crap and I'll tell you why.
I recently went back to work in person again, mmm like 4 days ago, that's why I stopped writing for the platform constantly again, however I already told myself that I can't allow this, after all hive is an important source of relief and income for me, even though I don't earn much here, the idea of having savings that constantly grows excites me, I like to save, both here and physically. But physically it has been quite difficult for me due to unemployment, a month without a job hit me where it hurts the most “my home”, getting the house that I have has cost me a bit and so have my things, my bed, my room, my objects, my kitchen, my business, my everything. This month has undoubtedly been the hardest of all time and more so because my ideas went to the ground, the ideas of making money.
I started a food business and it didn't work out for me, the worst of all is that the next day many people started asking me for money but I had already run out of money for a new investment, it's crazy, sometimes I feel like things are going against me and everything is stuck. In real life I am a seamstress, I “like to sew” and I created an article, tops, the idea of this was, or well “is” to sell them, but it seems that I also failed in that, pay attention, I have not said that I am going to give up, just that for the moment I have failed in sales, I think it has been partly due to the situation that Venezuela is going through “that affects a little the production of clothing and sales here in Colombia”.
I know that this page is for games but I will leave you a photo of my tops that I made to sell, I think they have turned out great anyway despite the fact that they did not go well for me.
🤭 I teach it because I am proud of what I have learned so far and I reflect it, showing my talent with sewing.
Well… it turns out that they called me back to work in person and this is perfect, seriously it's great that they call me after a month “it was about time” but as always things go the other way, just when I start working the machine fails 😔 you don't know how bad that makes me feel, it feels like, mmmmm. “As if the universe conspires against me? It's strong, but it's okay, I mean, these things usually happen and what kind of person would I be if this let me collapse? The problem is that my rent has already asked me for an invoice and I haven't paid. All this merged has me in the shit, and I just haven't known who to go to I want to tell you, more than here, the safe place where I write for people who don't know me and I don't know. I'd be lying if I say I'm not crying while I write this, maybe I'm exaggerating? I don't know, but if I feel these emotions then it's something real and not exaggerated.
Do I believe in God? Mmmm, it's difficult, this topic has me really mad lately, I don't know what to believe anymore, if in the devil or in God, I admit it, the president of Venezuela is the devil, and everything that happens also has me bad because it's my country, and I don't give a damn if we can't talk about these things here, I'm just a kid who is expressing himself, my country hurts me and so many deaths and everything that is happening hurts me even more... as I said, there are many thoughts that have me on the ground right now, even if it seems that I'm fine for posting super cool things and in an empathetic tone "reality is sometimes different" I'm not going to lie to you and much less am I going to lie to myself.
But despite everything, I know that these are just downs, “moments,” moments that we all have and are part of a progress to achieve greater things, but the processes hurt. Thinking about so many things and carrying an ordeal in your mind is crazy, thinking about a future that you don’t know if it exists “at least in my reality,” thinking that you like someone and nothing is like that anymore, thinking that one day you are going to die, thinking that the bills are not waiting for you, thinking that outside everything is a disaster, I don’t know what to think anymore, sometimes I feel that when I reach 40 years old “if I ever get there” I will be on the verge of madness. Maybe many feel identified with this post, after all I think we all want the same thing "a breakthrough" a breakthrough that lets us go further, for my part I know my potential and I will make my things sell and flow, on the other hand I will not leave hive again, on the other hand I will continue playing games, for my part "nothing is going to change" I just have to make the fact that things are bad now change, everything will be better ❤️🩹 I know that, and if someone goes through this or something similar, do not forget, in the world there is someone who also fights for their dreams, if you do not believe me, this post is the clear example of that, I believe in myself and I also believe that you will achieve what you are looking for, be it peace or whatever, by the way peace is very important, I think it is what we all long for, I believe in you ❤️ I also believe in myself, better said, I believe in everyone who fights for what they want, as long as they are good things, what more I can tell you... I think I have no more words for this post, I'll just say this last thing, everything will be okay ❤️ and I'm sorry if this post seems a bit regrettable and silly to some "that's not my problem anymore" I'm happy to know that I was able to reach the minds and hearts of some, thank you for reading me once again ❤️ thank you.
This is a note for me and for those who read me, thank you for reading me ❤️ Sincerely: Me - torbil / by the way, torbil means Billy Torres, that's my name :) I don't know if it's relevant but I'll leave the information there, tor is from torres, and bil is from Billy, now I'll leave you, have a nice Monday.
