So its been around a year since I started the arduous work of self healing. I dont mean this in a physical sense, that is a path Ive been on for around 5 years now. No this was to work on the emotional and mental aspects of myself that hold me back from becoming the best version of myself. I want to make it clear at this point that I am by no means the finished article, growing and healing never stops in my view.
See the issue with society is that we are conditioned to constantly work on what is basically our outer shell, our appearance. Gyms are often packed, men and women obsessing with looking a certain way, particularly when those nasty magazines with their air brushed models make us feel unworthy and unattractive. We live in an increasingly narcissistic Instagram World where the outer shell or space suit is more important than looking after our mental welfare. When was the last time you saw hoards of people turning up in hot pants to their therapist?? Im exaggerating of course but its true, and I used to be exactly the same!
We have to understand that we attract what we are and how we feel about ourselves on a deep and subconscious level. We all have issues from our childhood, jees even if you had a relatively good childhood like I did you still have to cope with unconscious parenting, school, and a boat load of other toxic people rubbing off around you! A child is like a sponge and up to the age of 8 everything sinks firmly into the subconscious mind without the filter of the conscious mind really being engaged due to different brainwave states. That means belief systems are formed strongly about the child themselves and the World around them.
Now these beliefs can lay dormant in the subconscious but they are always there, as an adult you can think (like I used to) that Im pretty much ok, we all have a bit of crap there but nothing nobody else hasn't got right? I tell you now if you could suddenly make everything hiding away in your subconscious conscious all of a sudden you would probably cry like a baby. You just don't realise its there until you do the work.
Now unfortunately going back to the point 'we are what we believe about ourselves' a vast number of people will have deep betrayal wounds, abandonment wounds, or a feeling of just not being good enough. This can even stretch back ancestries! And until we do the inner work which takes a LONG time, not days or weeks, or a quick read of a book, constant work, we will attract into our lives people, circumstances, and experiences that identify to that particular emotional wound. So what we have is a society of people that get into relationships and they are constantly triggering each others emotional wounds. Particularly with men, us men will do anything to avoid the emotional work! But its time, we need to just as much as women do so we can be the best for them too. It doesnt have to be a taboo subject or something to get embarrassed about.
The great thing is that we have control. We can choose to do the work and attract what we want into our life and become at peace with ourselves, or we can continue to ignore that inner child that has been screaming out for our attention for years. Like I say its not easy, its like layers of an onion you peel one layer and then you find another! But its worth it, in my own life I feel a lot less triggered by people than I used to, and we will see what the future will hold in terms of the people coming into my life. Yes its a potential investment but an investment in yourself is never a waste of money.
Another good idea is to spend time each day in meditation with your inner child, talk to him/her, encourage them, and support them, you will be surprised how as you go through the process you feel a lot differently in ways that may not seem obvious. Good luck if you choose to do this, Im just explaining my own journey and how its helped me.
Tony Sayers
Love, care, courage.
