Parenting is one of the first territories where a person's identity is shaped. There, affections are born, fears arise, first certainties take root, and so do first wounds. However, although parenting profoundly influences future behavior, it is not a final verdict. Human life is more complex than any mold, and willpower, opportunities, and resilience can open paths that once seemed impossible.
To speak of bad parenting is to acknowledge that there are homes where love cannot quite cover the cracks, where violence replaces dialogue, where emotional neglect becomes routine. In those spaces, children learn to survive before they learn to live. They grow up with the feeling that the world is an uncertain place, that words can wound, and that affection can be withheld. Bad parenting leaves marks: insecurities, fears, difficulties trusting, defensive impulses. But those marks are not destiny. They are merely a starting point.
On the other hand, good parenting is that which provides support, healthy boundaries, affection, and presence. It is not perfect—because no family is—but it is conscious. In such environments, children are taught to name their emotions, to resolve conflicts without violence, and to respect their own dignity and that of others. Children who grow up in these settings tend to develop greater emotional stability, better social skills, and a more trusting view of the future. However, even good parenting does not guarantee flawless behavior in adulthood. Life also tests, challenges, and transforms.
In my 40 years of teaching, I have encountered stories that prove parenting—whether good or bad—influences, but does not determine. Yet there is one that marked me for life, and in whose development I had the chance to accompany that adolescent through part of her journey.
The protagonist of this story is Tania, and she grew up in an environment that was highly unfavorable for any human being.
Tania is a shining example of how parenting influences, but does not determine. She grew up in a household marked by pain: an alcoholic stepfather who abused her verbally and physically, a blind mother struggling with her own limitations, and herself—a girl who learned far too early what fear means. That environment could have broken her, but it didn't. Instead of repeating the cycle, she decided to break it.
My student's upbringing shows that resilience is a powerful force. Sometimes it springs from survival instinct, other times from a teacher who believes in the child, a friend who stands by them, or an opportunity that arrives at just the right moment. She found within herself a capacity for endurance that led her to become an outstanding professional—a woman who did not allow her past to define her future.
Despite her unfavorable background, she became a medical doctor and today is an excellent pediatrician.
Parenting, then, is the initial compass, but it is not the whole territory. People can rebuild themselves, reinvent themselves, heal. They can choose paths different from the ones they lived. They can transform pain into strength, deprivation into sensitivity, and violence into ethical commitment.
What is certain is that bad parenting leaves challenges that require more effort to overcome. Those who grow up in a hostile environment must learn to trust, to regulate their emotions, to build healthy relationships, and to feel worthy of love. But when they succeed, their growth is twofold: they not only move forward, but they also set themselves free.
Tania is proof that life is not written in advance. She is a reminder that every child deserves a dignified environment, but also that some people flourish in silence. They all leave their mark.
Good parenting is a gift that lights the way. Bad parenting is a shadow that may linger for years. But neither fully determines who a person will become. In the end, every individual has the possibility to choose, to heal, to grow, and to write their own story.
Note: I used the DeepL Translate translator.
The images are my own property.
