I wish life would stop giving me lemons to make a freaking lemonade… can you give me oranges instead? Maybe strawberries and bananas for a smoothie? No? Those are too sweet? Still no? Ok… fine…
Yes… I was gone. Not only from Hive, but from all social media. I just disappeared for a few weeks.
And honestly… I feel messed up because of that. But something happened, and I needed time for myself. Time to put things in order.
Time to think about my future.
I don’t know how, but every time I try to fix my life and make big plans, something comes and ruins it. Like someone is testing me… trying to break me just to see if I can build myself again. Idiots. (If anyone knows who they are, please tell me 😂)
About a month ago, I started feeling pain in my arm. Same as last year. And of course, I ignored it. I thought it was just from work. Nothing serious. But it got worse. So bad that I couldn’t move my arm normally. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t even use the computer to write.
After a few weeks, they figured it out… muscle inflammation. We started treatment, and now I’m better.
But in the meantime… I lost someone very close to me. It shocked me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just stayed in my own bubble… reading books, listening to music. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. It still hurts… a lot.
And of course… that wasn’t all.
We also got some news, and we had to make decisions about what to do next. We decided to sell more of our collections… Hot Wheels, Pokémon and One Piece cards, Lego sets. Not just for money, but also to upgrade and build better collections in the future.
There’s an app where you can sell things live, so that’s what we’ve been doing. Sorting everything, selling, packing, sending… honestly, it was fun. It helped me forget everything else for a while.
But when my emotions go crazy… my health follows.
My epilepsy got worse. My emotions came out in the worst way. I had to take stronger medication because the old one wasn’t helping. And then something scary happened… I lost my words. I couldn’t write. My imagination was there, but the words just wouldn’t come out.
I’m better now… at least with that.
But the stronger medication caused problems with my other illness…Crohn’s disease. The meds didn’t work well together. So I spent days sleeping, sitting in the bathroom, and just asking myself… where is my sweet smoothie? (which I couldn’t even drink…)
So now it’s strict diet, strict rules… trying to bring everything back into remission. I’m not there yet, but it’s getting better.
After stopping the seizure treatment, my mind slowly came back. I feel more like myself again.
But I’m still scared. The seizures were sudden and unpredictable. So we decided I won’t travel. No flights, no going to another country. It’s just too risky right now.
So… we won’t be going to Open Hive Days.
I’m sad. And honestly… a bit angry. But I have to put my health first. Something I never really did before.
I haven’t been active because I just didn’t have the energy for social media. I couldn’t write positive posts or comments when my heart wasn’t in the right place.
I always say… bad days happen. But when everything comes at once… and things start falling apart… I just lose myself.
But I’m here now.
Not fully okay… still sad I won’t be part of this experience again… but I’m here.
On the bright side, we got a refund for the hotel, and we decided to put that money back into Hive. Many of you probably noticed... I don’t take money out. I build my Hive Power. That was always the plan.
Why take money out when we have things at home we can sell instead?
So yes… I’m back.
This post is a bit heavy… but the next ones hopefully won’t be like this. I can’t keep writing only sad things anyway… maybe that’s also why the words disappeared.
Guys, I hope you enjoy the event. I’ll be reading your posts, even if it makes me a little sad. A part of me will still be there with you.
And next time… I’ll be there too. No matter what life throws at me.
All the best ❤️
With love, 
