A few weeks ago I posted a list of questions people ask us who have epilepsy.
Unfortunately… my story doesn’t end there. Lucky me...I’ve also got another untreatable chronic illness. So I basically have to be Hulk-strong when people start asking questions about that too.
At the beginning, I tried giving normal answers. I really did.
But honestly? People drained my last nerve.
Like… maybe Google exists for a reason? Why are you asking me these dumb questions first?
Then people wonder why I sound sarcastic. Because it’s impossible to give answers that make them happy...and I’m tired.
So I collected all the questions I’ve heard while fighting this lovely chronic bullshit (literally, in the case of Crohn’s 😌).
And no, I don’t always answer them out loud.
Sometimes I do.
Especially when someone is clearly poking my nerves on purpose.
And yes… some people know exactly what’s going on and still make jokes about it.
So why not make jokes myself? It’s easier. It’s funnier. And honestly, it helps me feel better.
(See? This is why I don’t need a therapist. 😉)
My “shaved head” Era 🙃
I’ll never forget the time I had to shave my head because of medicine side effects.
People whispered behind my back like I couldn’t hear them.
One day I was drinking coffee with my friends, saw a group staring at me, laughing…
And because I’m insane (in a fun way), I asked,
“What’s the problem?”
First question:
“If you shaved your head, why do you have a scarf on?”
Ummm… because it was cold?!
Next question:
“Are you a hardcore Nazi?”
“Do you mean neo-Nazi? Because I don’t remember shaved heads being required in that political club…”
Some of my friends later told me the other things people said.
It hurt.
Apparently some genius thought I shaved my head “to look cool.”
Are you crazy?! Why would I freeze my skull off in winter to “look cool”?
Idiots.
And the best part?
When they finally found out the truth, they said,
“Well, you never told us, so we weren’t wrong to make fun of you.”
What the actual hell?
Some people are so miserable with their own lives they need to poke others just to feel better. After that, I tried not to let their comments hurt me.
Tried.
They still sometimes do.
Crohn’s isn’t a cute little illness, you know?
But whatever. Fuck those people.
I’d rather talk with my Crohn’s buddies...at least we can laugh together.
And no, we don’t always give sarcastic answers back.
Not always.
But sometimes… oh sometimes I’m in the mood 😏
Ready?
❓ “Why do you go to the bathroom so much?”
💬 Because it’s my side hustle. Some people run marathons, I run to the toilet.
❓ “Can’t you just hold it?”
💬 Sure! And while you’re at it, try holding your breath for three hours.
❓ “Are you still sick?”
💬 No, I just enjoy collecting hospital wristbands like Splinterlands cards.
❓ “Have you tried eating healthier?”
💬 I have. My intestines rejected the idea immediately.
❓ “Do you really need the bathroom right now?”
💬 No, I just love sprinting. Bathrooms are my finish line.
❓ “Isn’t it just a stomachache?”
💬 Yep, but the kind with boss fights, extra levels, and surprise explosions.
❓ “But you don’t look sick!”
💬 Thanks! My organs are doing all the crying internally.
❓ “Why don’t you eat more fiber?”
💬 Because I enjoy staying alive. But thanks for the suggestion.
❓ “You’re in the bathroom again?”
💬 No, I’m teleporting to another dimension. Respect the portal.
❓ “Is Crohn’s contagious?”
💬 Yes. Ask me one more stupid question and you’ll catch it instantly.
❓ “What kind of pills are you taking? You lost so much weight so fast.I want that too!”
💬 Oh, it’s this super exclusive treatment called Crohn, bitch.
Plus a bonus workout plan: I run to the bathroom 30 times a day. Perfect cardio. No gym membership. No outdoor jogging.
Just me, my intestines, and destiny.
There are way more, but this is enough for today.
And yes, you can laugh. I allow it.
Why be sad when we can at least make fun of the situation?
With love, 