It’s not your flaws that you are aware of that cause insecurity and self-esteem issues. It’s the flaws you’re not aware of, the self-defeating beliefs you don’t even know you have.
Nobel Prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains this problem brilliantly, “We’re blind to our blindness. We have very little idea of how little we know. We’re not designed to know how little we know.”
Your analysis of what’s causing you social problems is inaccurate, limited, and completely biased. If you want to change, you must first learn the true cause of your social problems .This fundamental understanding is the foundation for all social self-improvement.
Self-confidence and charisma (or the lack of them) are largely the results of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Psychologists have found that social expectations become social outcomes. Research on the powerful psychological force known as the Pygmalion Effect has shown this time and again.
Imagine a friend warns a babybsitter that the kid she’s going to babysit is impatient, annoying, and arrogant. He’s a real shithead. After hearing this, the babysitter becomes anxious about meeting this kid. When she finally meets him, just as expected, he’s horrible. This kid won’t listen to her, he has a short temper, and he treats her with total contempt.
There’s something the babysitter was totally blind to. The kid she babysat wasn’t usually a shithead, he was usually a perfectly normal kid. He acted like a shithead because she expected him to act like a shithead. Psychologists believe this happens because when we expect people to act a certain way, we treat them differently (often without our awareness). The person that’s a total asshole around you might be a saint around someone else.
Common sense matches this. If you’re a Trump supporter and you met Hillary Clinton, you’d probably treat her very differently than a supporter of hers would, and she would probably treat you differently than she would treat a supporter of hers.
We don’t just cause people to treat us differently based on our expectations of them. Our negative beliefs about ourselves cause other people to treat us differently too. If you don’t respect yourself, your behavior will reflect this (and people will treat you with less respect.
Someone who is self-pitying gets pity, not respect. If you believe you’re a weird who doesn’t deserve to be liked, you’re going to act uncomfortable around people. You will be shy and closed off. This behavior will repel people, and as you notice that people don’t seem to like you, you’re going to build even more evidence that you’re a weirdo who doesn’t deserve to be liked.
Then you’re going to act even more shy and closed-off around others, and this pattern repeats itself ad naseum. If you were aware this was happening, it would be easy enough to deal with, but we don’t notice this happening. We only live in our own mind which can easily become a vacuum chamber of negative, self-defeating beliefs.
We can’t understand how a better mindset would change our life for a similar reason that a deaf person can’t really understand how hearing would change their life.
We don’t have the proper context to understand what our mindset is doing to us until we become aware that our mindset is damaging us and is negative in ways that it doesn’t need to be. Lack of this awareness is why you don’t think it’s your behavior that’s repelling people, but that it’s the ‘fact’ that you’re a weirdo that’s repelling people.
Without knowing it, we become our own worst enemy. We might believe people are assholes, but we don’t realize they’re just reflecting our own beliefs back at us. We might believe we’re not worthy of affection, but we don’t realize that we wall ourselves from vulnerability and make it impossible to receive affection.
We might believe we don’t deserve a girlfriend, but we don’t realize that we could easily get a girlfriend if we just took the right actions. In countless ways, we screw ourselves, and because our brain is constantly looking for an explanation for our problems, we blame those problems on something we don’t think we can control to free ourselves of responsibility.
We do this because it’s easy. Our brain was designed to take the easy route. Facing insecurities is never easy. The truth is that you are in control of (and therefore responsible) for all your social shortcomings, but it’s intrinsically difficult to notice the damage you’re doing to yourself.
Changing yourself isn’t hard because it takes so much willpower or hard work, change is hard because it requires openminded introspection and honest questioning of your own thoughts, behaviors, and values.
I look forward for you to follow, upvote and resteem >>
Come and join me and follow me in the curation trail for 
