______PART THREE: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT MEMORIES_______
clickable links for previous parts bellow:
Part 1!
Part 2!
In this part, I will run through some of the ways that difficult or traumatic events can cause problems with anxiety in your day to day life, and at the end of it, I will demonstrate a method that will allow you to deal with it and help you reflect on these kinds of memories.
As mentioned in the disclaimer at the start of the guide, if you have or suspect you have a serious trauma induced disorder, such as Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD), or are visiting with a psychiatrist, then you should consult with your doctor before carrying out the exercise at the end of this part. This is a point I will emphasise in all subsequent parts; ultimately, your mental well-being is the most important thing when journaling, and it is vital you do nothing that you think may worsen your anxiety. As with anything, every person is different; there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ cure. What is being provided in this guide is a toolkit that can be used to alleviate some symptoms, some of which you may find useful and can incorporate into your daily life.
With that in mind, please continue reading.
It can often be difficult for us to manage our stressful or difficult memories. Bad memories can run around and around in our heads, repeating on a loop - moments you’ve done or said something embarrassing or maybe a difficult memory of an ex-girlfriend or a relative who has passed away. These kinds of thoughts recur because we may still have unresolved emotions about the events or the people. We may not have come to terms yet with a loss, or perhaps, there is a feeling of shame associated with the memory, which prevents us from wanting to devote time to resolving these feelings. Regardless, the result is often that we don’t deal with them and do our best to suppress or forget about them, which can be problematic in its own way.
The first thing we need to do then is to identify the problematic memories and reflect on the qualities they have that make you feel anxious or upset. Initially, this may not seem like a pleasant thing to do, but if you engage with your emotions with a spirit of acceptance and understanding, you can re-frame these difficult memories and perhaps address some issues. If you don’t yet feel comfortable doing this, skip the part. Whatever you take away from this guide, make sure you’re doing it at your own pace in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
You should be able to identify memories causing you distress by paying attention to how you react to people or things that remind you of the event. Try to begin with a relatively insignificant memory for practice - perhaps a minor social faux-pas you made the previous week or a minor confrontation with a person you work with.
Do you change how you behave when talking to a particular person or when you’re in a particular place?
Keep an eye on your breathing and physical reactions, as well as the more obvious emotional reactions.
When you have identified the memories that cause you anxiety and stress, try to make a mental note of them, so you know what memories to focus on during the exercise.
______________________EXERCISE THREE__________________________
Start as we have described in the previous two parts by sitting in a quiet, undisturbed place. By now, you should feel like you have made a little space for yourself.
Before we start with this exercise, I would advise that the purpose of reviewing painful events or moments is not to dredge up all the negative emotions associated with it; try to use this as an opportunity to explore the meaning of the event and try to make sense of it as a narrative.
In terms of how long you should write, there is no limit, but again, I would advise you set a timer on your phone for ten or fifteen minutes. Below, I have included questions and tips to help you. Remember, if you don’t feel comfortable doing any of these steps or you feel yourself becoming distressed or upset, skip over this exercise;
Start by trying to look at the person or event objectively. Imagine you were writing a newspaper article about it, with none of your own personal prejudices, before you explore the emotional aspect. Look at where it happened, what time of day or night, who was involved, and just the bare bones of what occurred.
Then, if you can, imagine the situation from the perspective of another person involved and write about what they can see happening and how it made them feel.
Once you have done the above, without judgement or criticism, look at it from your own perspective and reflect on how the event made you feel - sad, happy, confused? Accept that, whatever you have felt because of this event, it is a natural reaction and there is nothing to feel ashamed of.
Once you’ve finished, you can hang on to this account if you’d like, or you can dispose of it by throwing it away or deleting the text file on your computer.
Like some of the other parts, I will ask that you repeat this practice for a few days consecutively. By practicing this daily for 4 or 5 days, you’ll get a few different perspectives. One day, you might feel anxious or upset, but then the next day, you might feel far calmer about things; another day, you might even feel happy and energetic!
