Who am I to Begin With

That feeling of safety is far beyond safe, all are taken cared of only if you comply to rules that are unspoken but only felt,
That feeling of safety is far beyond safe, the plans has been set but you never felt you belong to those plans that only you can decide,
That feeling of safety is far beyond safe, there is a physical structure that I can see but how come I can’t even feel I’m welcomed,
That feeling of safety is far beyond safe, dozens of plans has been made, how come it’s only you who are deciding, who can decide and have that decision to make,
That feeling of safety is far beyond safe, what am I from the beginning, what am I from the plans, and what am I from the future that has been made…

Who am I to begin with, am I an invincible person with basic needs that only deserves the bare minimum of what you can give,
Who am I to begin with, am I an accessory to the image you imagined to have, an accessory that doesn’t have any feelings to begin with,
Who am I to begin with, am I an object that you can mold the way you wanted me to be, where I don’t have any choice over,
Who am I to begin with, am I a pet that you can drag anywhere you want to, without me having any word, without demanding any kind of interaction with anyone,
Who am I to begin with, am I now an unwanted trash that you dispose or pre-dispose whenever you wanted to, no kind of any feeling from the past and even tiny respect to begin with…

Shall I surrender to everything that I am, just for safety’s sake, forgetting I have any kind of choice, any kind of moral and dignity,
Shall I surrender to everything that I am, in order to protect myself from that feeling of being abandoned, rejected and punished,
Shall I surrender to everything that I am, even that choice to have something left for myself, few extra minutes to spare for my own sake, I can’t have?
Shall I surrender to everything that I am, I’m left with the choice respond or not, even my mind has you in it 24/7 monitoring every kind of changes that might affect my day’s situation, but you chose drama over and over again,
Shall I surrender to everything that I am, I’m only left with my body, but here you are trying to bruise every part of me, unnoticeable torture to each and every boundary crossed…

Only my dreams pushed me to see clarity, my dreams woke me up to what is real, to what is happening to me that I can’t see in my waking life,
Only my dreams pushed me to see clarity, the signs on my dreams were never random, it gave me a whole new spark to hold on to despite of your daily projection and demand for attention,
Only my dreams pushed me to see clarity, I was still present to what is my own reality, hoping to hold on to any kind of sense of reasoning that feels like “me”,
Only my dreams pushed me to see clarity, I wanted to wake up on peace, I wanted feel silence that meant something not silence that means punishment
and control,
Only my dreams pushed me to see clarity, myself was ripped into pieces, like I’m physically
awake but consciously and unconsciously, unpeacefully asleep and slowly fading away day by day…

Watchwords:
Pushed me to clarity
Slowly fading away
Each and every boundary crossed
Unwanted trash to dispose off