As I prepare quietly, and I keep noticing how often I want the finished thing before I have earned the steadiness to carry everything all the way through,
As I prepare quietly, and some part of me still wants to skip the awkward repetitions where nothing looks impressive and everything feels painfully ordinary,
As I prepare quietly, and I admit there are days when practicing the same small movement feels less rewarding than imagining myself capable of more from these small ordinary,
As I prepare quietly, and can I stay with the part where I am still learning without deciding that I should already be better at this, more faster than yesterday, a much more version of me than tomorrow,
As I prepare quietly, and perhaps what feels slow from the inside is simply the part of me becoming strong enough to hold what I keep asking for the present…
As I practice again, I can sense my impatience yearning for a faster version of the person I’m striving to become, even though I’m acutely aware that I must embrace the journey one day at a time,
As I practice again, and the temptation is always there to call repetition boring even when what I really mean is that repetition is asking me to stay present and continue in a place of strength,
As I practice again, and sometimes I resent how little seems to change when I know I have been showing up in ways unrealized nobody else can see or no applause I could ever hear,
As I practice again, and can I keep doing the small work when there is still no visible proof that it is taking me anywhere from the present showing up to future becoming,
As I practice again, and what looks like very little today may be quietly teaching my hands what tomorrow will require as I go through every step each day requires…
As I stay longer, and I begin to notice that readiness is not a feeling that suddenly arrives but something built through the moments I almost walk away from doesn’t serve me,
As I stay longer, and the part of me that wants immediate evidence keeps having to learn that some abilities only appear after enough ordinary attempts hopefully become visible,
As I stay longer, and I am less interested now in looking prepared than in becoming someone who does not collapse when preparation stops feeling exciting, or unmotivated,
As I stay longer, and can I remain here when nobody is applauding the effort and the result is still too far away to reassure me of what the future holds,
As I stay longer, and the quiet endurance I once dismissed begins to feel like something I may actually be able to rely on as I trust the path to my own alignment…
As I repeat what matters most, and each return exposes another place where the work still asks more of me than I expected becomes relevant to me now,
As I repeat what matters, and instead of treating that discovery as humiliation I am trying to let it become useful information about where I still need to grow,
As I repeat what matters, and there is a strange relief in realizing that being unready can be an honest place to begin rather than something I have to hide, deny and never acknowledge,
As I repeat what matters, and can I look directly at what still needs work without turning the gap into another reason to doubt myself with what is planned for me,
As I repeat what matters, and preparation begins feeling less like waiting for life to begin and until I understand that preparation was never the pause before living; it was the quiet way I had already begun…
Watchwords:
The finished thing before I have earned
Awkward repetitions where nothing looks impressive
The small work when there is still
The quiet endurance I once dismissed
Preparing before life arrives
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: