I used to chase after the bright things that everyone praised so loudly, I mistook their volume for truth and their shine for kind of substance,
I used to chase the kind of approval that quickly arrives but leaves me feeling empty once the room falls silent again and again that I cannot even foresee,
I used to chase what appeared expensive from a distance, while disregarding the private cost it demanded from my sleep and my dream stability,
I used to chase after something, but now I wonder if I truly want it deeply or if I’ve simply repeated what I’ve been hearing around me since I was born,
I used to chase, until my own hunger began sounding unfamiliar inside my chest that now it comes with a pattern…
I’ve witnessed enough, people hold what others envy while carrying a heaviness they cannot display beside polished photographs that never sounded real,
I’ve witnessed enough, that smiles often become uniform when admitting disappointment could ruin the image they’ve diligently worked to maintain behind the scenes,
I’ve witnessed enough, how gaining everything visible can still leave hidden corners of a life cold and leaving it unattended only if you could immediately notice,
I’ve witnessed enough, and I’m wondering if I’m admiring their peace or just the way they frame their unrest purpose as noticeable failure
I’ve witnessed enough instances to conclude that appearances frequently demand belief more than they warrant truth…
I turn inward, where quieter measures await without applause or the need for strangers to validate my worth,
I turn inward, where discipline initially feels mundane, yet it ultimately saves me from the chaos I once mistakenly referred to as freedom,
I turn inward, where fairness demands more of me than charm ever did, leaving me with fewer places to hide,
I turn inward, wondering if I’m avoiding the more challenging good because it doesn’t come with the glamour, or the approval of others, or the unfamiliar wound that once you knew,
I turn inward, realizing that some treasures require dedicated practice before they can be truly recognized and put to good use…
I’ve learned slowly that courage rarely appears grand while it’s happening and often feels like shaking in your daily ordinary clothes,
I’ve learned slowly that restraint can feel isolating when excess is celebrated and everywhere made to appear vibrant, lively, and familiar,
I’ve learned slowly that making clear judgments is expensive because it requires me to suppress distractions and prioritize my own values and opinions even more,
I’ve learned slowly, can I continue to choose what steadies me when no one claps for it but ultimately relates a part of me that is unexplainable,
I’ve learned slowly that the deepest gains rarely announce themselves, and are known by the way I begin to live differently, choosing to be alive and unafraid to dream again…
Watchwords:
their volume for truth
private cost it demanded
the frame around unrest
harder good without glitter
least dramatic to announce
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
