I keep spending my whole mind on things that sometimes were never actually worth this much from me, handing my whole day over to a comment, a delay, a look I probably imagined,
I keep spending my whole mind on things that sometimes were never actually worth this much from me, and I have called that caring deeply when really it was just poor organization of my time and effort,
I keep spending my whole mind on things that sometimes were never actually worth this much from me, and by the time I notice, the real thing I meant to protect has already gone unattended, and I’m out of focus,
Is this actually worth the whole of my attention, or have I just never learned to ask that question first,
I keep spending my whole mind on things that sometimes were never actually worth this much from me, and I am trying, today, to save some of it for what actually deserves my full energy and focus on it…
There is a jealousy that shows up uninvited and rearranges the whole room before I notice it happened, moving my own furniture around until I don't recognize what I was originally building,
There is a jealousy that shows up uninvited and rearranges the whole room before I notice it happened, and I have made choices from inside that rearranged room that had nothing to do with what I actually planned,
There is a jealousy that shows up uninvited and rearranges the whole room before I notice it happened, and I keep mistaking her voice for my own ambition instead of naming her one at a time as it passes by me,
Whose room am I actually standing in right now, mine or the one jealousy built for me,
There is a jealousy that shows up uninvited and rearranges the whole room before I notice it happened, and I am walking back to my own mind’s drawer slowly, piece by piece…
I keep letting frustration make decisions that only I have to live with afterward, handing her the pen in the exact moment I should have set it down instead,
I keep letting frustration make decisions that only I have to live with afterward, and she writes in a hand I don't recognize once the heat of the moment finally cools down,
I keep letting frustration make decisions that only I have to live with afterward, and I'm always the one left to clean up sentences she never has the chance to reread,
Would I actually sign my name to this decision if I made it an hour from now instead of right now,
I keep letting frustration make decisions that only I have to live with afterward, and I am setting the pen down tonight before she gets to touch the page ever again…
There’s an insatiable hunger within me that persistently demands more, it compels me to extend my hand beyond my limits reaching further and further away,
There’s an insatiable hunger within me that persistently demands more, and I have walked straight past things I once prayed for without even slowing down,
There’s an insatiable hunger within me that persistently demands more, and the counting keeps getting postponed because the reaching feels more urgent every time,
What do I actually already have that I haven't stopped long enough to notice is enough,
There’s an insatiable hunger within me that persistently demands more, and I am putting both hands down tonight just to count my deeper accomplishments…
Watchwords:
My whole nervous system on things not worth it,
A jealousy that rearranges the whole room,
Frustration making decisions I have to live with,
A hunger that keeps asking for more,
Both hands down tonight just to count,
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: