... and maybe I feel different because of that. But it can also be that while editing I made a step inside my head and just realize how detached I am/was from reality. I start the video with some reasons for not creating videos lately. But the more I think about that video and the true meaning of it, the more I realize that these are just excuses and I had to make this video for myself to get out of the loop. I act like I was okay with my creative break but in reality I was not.
... but there was a feeling of relief when I started recording the first couple of seconds. All the built-up pressure to create something meaningful and artsy just vanished with a click of a button. The creative resistance is really what holds me back from expressing myself sometimes. But I started to fight it back and got into a little talk about my life and more.
... I had doubts if I should even upload the video - if it contains any value for anyone. But the more I have searched for this moment of meaning, I realized that the video does contain huge value for one very important person in my life: Myself.
... but creating videos is pretty important for me as a creative outlet without I am feeling incomplete. The feeling of being not enough in a creative way is daunting and even spills over to other aspects of my life. Of course, it is necessary to ask yourself if you can do better but if these doubts are getting so big that you stop doing what you love - it is harmful. I realized that years ago but still there is this fight against creative resistance.
... for watching and maybe some words and thoughts in the comments.
Here is the video I have talked: @tibfox/blrdbeha
Thanks for watching and your thoughts in the comments!
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